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Dispelling illegal immigration myths


Feb. 22, 2006 - Hopefully the following will equally offend all those with dumb ideas about this problem from the "Open Borders" crowd to the "Hunt 'em Down Like Animals" folks.

Liberals tell us to examine root causes. The root cause of illegal immigration is a gigantic "attractive nuisance" constructed next door to Mexico called the USA. Mexico is unfortunately run by corrupt and inept oligarchs in total denial about why so many of its own people risk their lives to flee it.

Myth: Illegals are part of a plan to take over the Southwest and make it part of Mexico. Reality: While some kooky left-wingers dream about this, they're working the wrong constituency. You don't risk your life to make the place where you get three squares just like the place where you were starving.

Myth: Democrats need illegals to vote on election day. Reality: They need them to fill up big cities in the census count so they don't lose any "separate but equal" districts in Congress and state legislatures. The 10 million-plus illegals here now are worth about 15 U.S. House members.

Myth: Terrorists are coming in from the South. Reality: Why would they? It's a crappy trip, the Mordida's high and Mexican coyotes are flaky. They use Canada - that border is a piece of cake.

Myth: We can use the military to protect our borders. Reality: They're kinda busy right now. Besides, most are recruited, trained and paid for more sophisticated jobs. Even a grunt infantryman is over-qualified for human roundups. We'd have to bring back the draft, but for the Border Patrol.

Myth: We could build a wall on the Southern border. Reality: Besides being politically unattainable, why would it work any better than the one in Berlin unless you're ready to shoot anybody trying to go over, under or around it and plant minefields next to it? And who's going to build it? Most construction workers here NOW are illegals.

Myth: Illegals are killing the economy. Reality: While they're disproportionately hurting the border and other areas, they're dropping billions annually into the Social Security fund under the phony names on their fake IDs. We never have to pay that off. Overall, it's close to break even.

Myth: Just go after employers who hire them. Reality: Many are small business owners who aren't forensics experts and are hampered by existing anti-discrimination laws that prohibit them from probing anybody.

Myth: We could simply round them up. After all, they're lawbreakers. Reality: How? Where do you plan to put millions of them during the expulsion process? How many people will you need, how much will it cost and how long will it take? And the law they broke is only a misdemeanor.

Two Myths from Both Sides meet: "We're a nation of immigrants" followed by "But our ancestors entered legally." Reality: Immigration well into the 20th Century was pretty simple - if you got here, you were in. Comparisons to today are inaccurate for that and another reason.

We had yet to build a massive welfare state that extended instant government benefits to those who come here now, legal or illegal. That's the real cost.

The Worst Myth of All: There's really nothing we can do. Reality: Those who spout this fallacy are given aid and comfort by those with bad ideas like The Wall and Roundups. Immigration problems will only be resolved incrementally. No magic wand, no wonder weapon. Things like replacing that crummy cardboard Social Security card with something harder to fake. And some new ideas.

Country singer Kinky Friedman, running for Governor of Texas, has proposed his solution. Place a few million bucks annually in trust accounts for Mexico's leading generals. Then deduct five grand for every illegal caught here this year. Friedman figures that'd resolve the influx portion in record time. He's on the right track. The ultimate solution is south of the border.

Listen to Inside Track with Emil Franzi and Tom Danehy on KVOI-690 AM Saturdays from 1 to 3 p.m. and Sundays from 7 a.m. to 9 a.m.