How the American Government Works

I would like to have everyone interested in politics understand just how our system works. To make this easy, and to let the politicians know that we understand the process, let me put this into a little story I made up. My wife, Christine, will represent the American Voter/Taxpayer. My friend, Henry, will be the Senate. My friend, Jerry, will be the Judicial Branch. Vince, my wife’s ex-husband, will be the House of Representatives, and I will be the Executive Branch.
We all live in Tampa, near the amusement park, Push Gardens. After a long discussion, we get hungry. We decide to go have lunch at MacDonald’s. We enter MacDonald’s and it is very crowded, so we all have to sit at a table quite far away from the counter. My wife asks me to get her a small salad and a diet coke. She gives me a $100 bill and asks for the change back. She doesn’t realize that I already have her credit card. Henry, Jerry, and Vince all promise to make sure I get her order right. I get up from the table and they come with me to place our order. FEMA shows up and gives Christine a happy meal. On the way to the counter several foreign born people offer all of us money, on the condition that we will give them the keys to Christine’s house and car to them. They said it was a free trade agreement, and that Christine wouldn’t mind, but just in case she didn’t like the free trade agreement, she would have to ask them if she could sue them. This sounded good to us, anything “free” right.
As I said it was very crowded. This is because 30 million illegal aliens have butted into the line and are demanding service, but they have no money. Henry, Vince, and I take a quick head count and only come up with 11 million. Henry, Vince, and I promise all of them a happy meal if we can go ahead of them. Jerry does nothing. The illegal aliens did try to get into Push Gardens just like last year, but Push Gardens now has better, taller fence and security guards. Vince meets a woman in line and promises her a happy meal, amongst other things. He orders a lot of stuff, but doesn’t pay for it. So does Henry. Jerry refuses to hear me place the order, continues to do nothing. Vince and Henry take all the food they can carry and then decide they need some time off, so they leave and go to Push Gardens. Jerry now orders a burrito, a taco, and a Mexican pizza. He heard that they may change their menu soon.
I meet a lot of new friends that want to buy me stuff and want to give me money, so I let them. They promise to see Henry and Vince too. I also see some corporate friends there that I owe some favors to, so I buy them a bunch of happy meals.
I place the $100 bill into my wallet and pull out Christine’s plastic. I order her a large orange soda with no ice. I order myself a really big meal, to go, and charge everything to Christine’s card. I exit MacDonald’s, leaving the orange soda on the counter and go to Push Gardens.
A few years go by and I realize that I have left Christine at MacDonald’s all this time. I call up Jerry, Vince, and Henry and we rush back and find her. The place is even more crowded, about 60 million illegal are now here. More illegals came since they heard we would give them all happy meals. Everyone that is behind the counter is now an illegal, making half of what the previous workers made. We do a quick head count and still come up with only 11 million. Christine is still sitting in the same spot. She looks a little upset with us because she didn’t get what we had promised her. She has also now lost her job (one of the illegals now has it). She also now has no health insurance. She said some terrorists had a key to her home, came in and took everything she owned, including her car. She filed for Workman’s comp, but her judge was moody and had little grasp of the law. She also filed a claim on her Matlife disability insurance, but that took 4 years for them to pay her and she had to pay all of the attorney fees. She did file for Social Security, but that took 18 months and she had to pay another attorney’s fee of 25%. She still has no health insurance. By the time she got her first check, her bank had already repossessed her house. She could have managed to pay her small mortgage, but with the 3000% increase in property taxes and insurance, she fell behind on the payments. She only had liability on her car due to the 3000% increase in premiums that the insurance companies demanded, and got from our government.
After getting her to give me another $100 bill, I get her a small French fry. We promise her that this time things will be different, as we now have a palm pilot thingy to take her order with. Unfortunately there is no paper trail and the battery dies, thus losing her order. It doesn’t matter though. None of us knows a damn thing about electronic thingies anyway. We just bought the thingies, without a bid, from our friends at hallibertin. FEMA shows up and wants the happy meal back that they gave Christine.
Vince and Henry order a bunch of stuff, and then do not pay for it. They then go on another vacation. Jerry does nothing, as he now claims to be overworked. I order another great meal to go. We know in our hearts that it is wrong to treat Christine this way year after year. She simply has no other choice but to wait patiently for us to come back and do it to her again and again. This year I order Christine another large orange soda, with no ice, which to this day still sits on the counter.
Now, who doesn’t understand politics?