Thread: Caravan Of Liberal Americans Makes Way Toward Socialist Paradise Of Venezuela

She needs to be recalled now so she does not collect any more paychecks for being STUPID!

Imagine that!



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Weird: Everyone Who Attended Bernie Sanders' Town Hall Has Reported Their Wallet Missing

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Caravan Of Unborn Babies Heads Toward Alabama To Apply For Asylum

Close One: This Baby Was Almost Born Into Poverty But His Mother Killed Him In The Nick Of Time
SATIRE



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Close One: This Baby Was Almost Born Into Poverty But His Mother Killed Him In The Nick Of Time

The Babylon Bee

“The Grizzly has stated that his preferred pronouns are he/him/human and so we are going to respect that”



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Grizzly Bear Shatters All Pro Wrestling Records After Identifying As Human

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Demanding To Know Why He Allowed President Trump To Get Elected, Dems Subpoena God

lol



babylonbee.com

England Forced To Crown Donald Trump As King After Strange Woman Lying In Pond Lobs A Sword At Him

ENGLAND—England has reluctantly ceded control of their country over to Donald Trump after the visiting US president was given a sword by a strange woman lying in a pond.
Trump was walking by the lake, taking in the beautiful sights of the English countryside, when the woman emerged from the surface of the waters, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite. Trump began to bellow at her."Hey, very fine woman over there!" he shouted. "I very much appreciate English girls. Maybe the best girls in the world. Great teeth. How'd you like a tour of the White House sometime? You should see my office, it's literally an oval." Trump then attempted to wade out to her to continue their conversation, but the frightened lady of the lake tossed a sword in his direction to ward him off before disappearing.
"Have it your way!" he called out as he walked away, Excalibur in tow, his hosts in shock as they realized they now had to bend the knee to Donald Trump.
Political analysts attempted to point out that supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony, and that just because a watery tart throws a sword at you, that doesn't mean that you're a king. But Trump ordered them to be quiet.

https://babylonbee.com/news/england-...gyS3qFR5v61_58

babylonbee.com

CDC: People With Dirt On Clintons Have 843% Greater Risk Of Suicide

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ATLANTA, GA – According to a report from the Centers for Disease Control released on Thursday, people with inside, compromising knowledge of Bill and Hillary Clinton’s financial and political dealings are 843% more likely to commit suicide.

“We’ve never seen a single risk factor cause a spike of this magnitude,” a CDC spokesperson told reporters. “Interestingly, in spite of their increased suicide risk, people with dirt on the Clintons rarely show any warning signs of suicide, and they never leave a suicide note.”
Remarking about how abnormal it is, the spokesman again stressed the significance of the data.
“Therefore, we advise any American with detrimental information about Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, or the Clinton Foundation to forget about it as quickly as possible to avoid a greatly increased probability of taking your own life,” he cautioned.
“And—I swear—that’s all we know.”

https://babylonbee.com/news/cdc-peop...0F3-btqGiy5IVM

"It's kinda weird," said one gay customer. "Their logo isn't a rainbow on social media. They don't have any special signage telling me that I'm special. But all the same, I walked in, they happily served me food, and I went on my way."
"I'm not sure if I should be offended or impressed," he added, shrugging. "I guess I'll have to go back and get some more nuggets as I think over my feelings about this unique way to celebrate Pride Month."
After Pride Month is over, the restaurant will reportedly just keep serving excellent food.



babylonbee.com

Chick-Fil-A Celebrates Pride Month By Serving Delicious Chicken Sandwiches To Everyone Just Like All The Other…

Is it really necessary to caution everyone that this is satire?

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-members-to-wear-upc-codes-so-lobbyists-can-scan-prices-self-checkout

babylonbee.com

Congress Members To Wear Barcodes So Lobbyists Can Scan Prices, Self-Checkout

June 21st, 2019

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a move to make purchasing congresspeople easier and faster for lobbyists, Congress voted to approve a new measure that calls for congresspeople to wear barcodes on their foreheads so lobbyists, activists, and corporations can simply scan them and self-checkout.

Self-checkout machines will be installed at all exits of the Capitol Building, so once they've added congresspeople to their cart, lobbyists can pay right on the way out.
"Purchasing congresspeople used to be a time-consuming, expensive process," said a Planned Parenthood representative. "Now, we can simply walk through Congress, scan all the congresspeople that are for sale, and checkout without having to interact with any humans."

"We hate humans---like, a lot," the PP rep added.One major military-industrial complex lobby group, Americans For Bigger Bombs, said they are also in support of the new move."When you need to make a quick pit stop at our nation's legislative body to purchase a few congresspeople to start a new war, you need to do it fast," said one AFBB lawyer. "An attack on Iran can't wait while you wheel and deal, wine and dine, and negotiate endlessly. Now, I can just scan and go."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress...KiwP07SVJeu7rc