Thread: Tell us: What do addictions cost you?

Uh... Can We Shut the Border Down ... to many Drugs are destroying peoples lives.. please read some of these posts

Tell us: What do addictions cost you?

Little T in SRQMessage #1
01/19/08 11:55 AM Hi everyone. I normally just lurk but I want some opinions and some advice. I am young (early 20's) and married. I did not finish college but plan on going back in the fall. I fell in love my senior year of high school and then took the easy route and didn't go away for college, which I now regret. I have a close circle of friends, but this circle of friends has always had very liberal opinions about drugs. I got sucked in basically. I was good in high school, my parents taught me well. They are pretty conservative. I truely believe that the things you do are influenced by the people you hang out with. Very few of my friends went to college and my husband has had NO formal schooling. But I got involved with the whole scene. At first it was all fun and good, no problems, my view was I'm young, I can have a little fun. Well we bought a house and now things are almost to the breaking point. Our main problem right now is getting off the drugs. I guess this is a little off topic, but we don't spend money elsewhere really, we pay our bills and buy our cheap groceries, I make dinner often and we share in household tasks. We don't make very much money but we do have chances to do side jobs which helps out imensely. We are also taking on a roommate soon, and that will help out so much. We are trying very hard to get our priorities in order. I will guess that last week we spent ~$400. It's ridiculus. But when you are used to coming home and "relaxing" it becomes impossible to break the habit. I'm just wondering if anyone has ever been in a situation with an addiction and how they overcame it. Hubby's family has always been very liberal about this subject and honestly, in the beginning that is how we got into it. Now both him and I realize that we are addicted and will suffer mild/moderate withdrawls if we stop. We do have a chance to see counseling if we chose to, (brother is somewhat in same situation, different addiction). The thing is too, this is very common where I am. I have several friends that have been in rehab and are still struggling. I know we are not abnormal, in our hometown. I don't think we need rehab, YET, but if we don't stop, like yesterday, we will, and we will also lose our house. Let me know what you think. I know this is a taboo subject, but it's out there and it's happening. And you never know who it's happening to...


bluueye40Message #2
01/19/08 12:30 PM I'm going to be the first person to jump off into this subject. It is very, very hard for me to write this because not only is it a gut wrenching topic to discuss, it's worse to remember. We were a lot like you. When we first got together, it was a social thing. Then, it became more and more frequent. Let's just say, we have "bought" several houses, cars, vacations, etc...that we never truly enjoyed. You have GOT to get a hold of yourself....NOW!!!!!!!! It will not get better or cheaper. Whatever you are doing now is just a gateway to more intense things. Trust me on this. You are young, which is in your favor. If I had known then what I know now...well, I would probably not even be on this board. Thing is, I finally had a break through, well, more like a break down - Father's Day weekend, 6 years ago. Things were bad, really bad. I made $45,000/year and had NOTHING. I went away, by myself, pulled it together and made a decision this was over. No more. I have not looked back since. I hear this is not typical. No rehab. I just knew I could not continue raising kids and continue the lifestyle that was beginning to control me. But, problems linger, it is taking me this long to start coming to grips to the bad decisions we made. I am having to "clean up" the mess I made. It's hard and scary. I am worried about our retirement, I hate that we squandered precious time. There is NO getting that back.

PLEASE, PLEASE, listen to me. If you would like, you may email me. I'm not at the point to discuss, publicly, the details of our past problems. But, suffice it to say, you have no idea.


PB in CAMessage #3
01/19/08 12:30 PM Addictions have a way of getting more and more expensive. Neither of you has an education which will make it difficult to get a high paying job. Especially in a small town that basically allows theirs youth to get into this cycle, probably as a way to keep them there. Sell the house. You will lose it sooner or later with your habits anyway. Take the proceeds and both of you go to a treatment facility. Far, far away from your home town. When the 30-days or whatever is over, don't go back home. Either start with school (both of you), or find good jobs, but don't go back to the same old, same-old. After a few years, when you're gotten yourselves established in school or careers, you'll be able to look back to your small town environment and see yourselves in a better place than when you lived there.


Little T in SRQMessage #4
01/19/08 02:29 PM I appreciate your responses. We are not in a small town, really. We are in FL. My parents don't know about this and they always tell me how proud of me they are (because we bought the house and generally work hard) but it breaks my heart everytime I hear it, because they don't know the truth. I know I am betraying them when they tried so hard with both me and bro. He's got more problems then I do (law), but the thing is, he is always in trouble so my parents know and help him (expensive lawyers and couselors). I've never been in trouble, neither has my hubby. We really wouldn't be able to afford treatment on our own. Bluueye, you are so right. I have seen as well the trouble the sh*t brings, and that's why we need to face it yesterday. It was so easy at first, so simple, now it's not so simple. Anything we could ever want is available, I mean anything. I really feel that both me and hubby need counselling and perhaps some sort of medication. But given our problems maybe medication is not best...Hubby is in trades, he cannot go back to school. I will next fall, and by then hopefully all this will be a bad dream...



OrmisMessage #5
01/19/08 02:39 PM I've been there too, with drugs in my early 20s, alcohol later on. I've been completely clean for over three years now (I'm 36, don't waste the time that I did). It takes a toll on everything, your finances, self-esteem, career, relationships. The time for rehab is NOW. To say that it's not quite time for rehab is denial. I know there's a part of you that doesn't really want to quit and a part that does. The part that does is the authentic part of yourself and you need to listen to it. The part that doesn't is addiction.

There is plenty of hope for you, but you need to get really serious about this. I was living in a crack house in my early 20s, had horrible credit and debt, even did some time in jail. But I was able to overcome it, finished college, went to grad school, have excellent credit, a really good job, own a house.

So please, don't mess around any longer. One of you will die, you'll kill someone else or you'll have ruins of a life. There won't be any exceptions made for you, addiction is ruthless. One day soon it won't be glamorous or fun anymore, it'll just be hopeless and nasty (it sounds like it's turning that way). Get out now while you still can, get any help you can find, no matter what the cost. If you need to stay home and far away from your friends, DO IT. You'll find that most of those people aren't friends anyway, they don't want what's best for you, they just want someone to party with. Find friends who are clean and who'll support you making the most out of your life. It will take time but it's so worth it. All the best!


Little T in SRQMessage #6
01/19/08 02:49 PM Your right that it takes a toll on everything. I've always had pretty low self esteem, but lately I've just felt like jumping off a bridge. I would never, but still the thoughts are there. I've had friends that have gone to rehab, but it seem like they just pump you up with other drugs that may be just as addictive or just bad for you in general. We talked about weaning ourselves off, stopping all at once is very difficult. We were sober all day yesterday, and didn't sleep a wink last night. Cold sweats, couldn't eat, just generally feeling HORRIBLE. Luckily though neither one of us, really are in denial. We both know that we are addicted. It's not like we are blind about it. We want to find a way to cut it out ourselves.


CRONEWITCHMessage #7
01/19/08 02:54 PM You may need to get all new friends. My ex was an alcoholic and when he quit drinking his friends didn't like it at all. They wanted a drinking buddy not a sober friend. The first few times he tried going to bars and having non alcoholic beverages but in a few days he would be drinking again. When we met he had been sober a year and lived far from his friends. The next year we moved where his friends were but they didn't have much to do with him since he was no fun. He stayed sober 17 years and I quit drinking the week we met because he asked me to. I would start closing out your friends, don't call them and if they invite you places tell them you have other plans. Join a 12 step program like NarcAnon to meet others trying to improve their lives.
Your husband can take some night classes even when working. Community colleges offer everything from welding to nursing. Even if he needs to get a GED first he will have more self esteem if he takes a few classes. I work with skilled tradesmen and some could benefit from classes in writing, math, sociology, or might want to learn a language or astronomy or something. If you can work and go to school he might feel more equal if he did too. My boyfriend got a two year degree as a diesel mechanic while I got my last two years of an accounting degree so we were both working and going to school.


opedMessage #8
01/19/08 03:01 PM I don't have much experience with addiction. I did some crazy stuff in my early 20s, drinking too much, got a DUI... Don't have much to suggest I just want to offer support, as much as can be had on a message board and second the poster who said sell the house and move far away... i managed to break out of our small town cycle, but i've seen others who did not... your friends are not your friends, luckily at this point you have one another and both seem committed to doing something about this... Good Luck...


bluueye40Message #9
01/19/08 03:07 PM But you posting here, or anywhere, is a good sign. I was a "closet" user. Nobody had a clue....or that's what I told myself over and over. Please tell me there are no kids? Also, the addiction is talking when you say the stuff you do about rehab. Ok, find a meeting - go to the nearest health department, talk to a counselor there. It's free. That's what we did. Then, we looked @ everything, pamphlets, etc...and made the move on our own. I fell off the planet for a solid week. Now, that's what worked for me. I'm not saying it would for you....but if you are this low, even contemplating any thought of self harm, then run to the phone and get help.....all of this monetary stuff, the house, cars, bills, while so important, do not hold a candle to what you are as a person.

Also, I sense you don't want to "burden" your parents with the details of your problems. As a parent, I would be devastated if my child felt they could not turn to me. You have no idea what your parents may bring to the table to assist you. Sure, they have forked over the dough for your brother, but does that make you any less necessary for their concern? Give them the benefit of the doubt.

You have made a HUGE first step. That is admirable. I ADMIRE you for having the nerve to put it out there. I know how difficult that is. A great deal of my issues were I wanted to keep it all private, however, I just did not heal like I should. I transferred my dependency's to other areas...i.e. my money problems. We all have a little "junkie" in us, be it drugs, debt, sex, fill in the blank....it all boils down to how we handle it. People don't freak, you know what I'm saying.

Take the next step. Find someone to help you. Get away from all the hanger's on....bet you've got the party house of all party houses????? Am I wrong? Tell me, on a regular basis, how many people "stay" with you over a weekend? If it's more than the two of you, then it's too many.


notasbadasithoughtMessage #10
01/19/08 03:11 PM I have a feeling this is going to hit home for so many people of a certain era. Drugs have and continue to be so easy to get. There are initiatives all over to try to do something about the "drug problem". That is all good but each person that is addicted needs to make a decision to become clean. All the initiatives in the world won't help without this personal decision. You seem to have come to this point - GOOD FOR YOU!! Get all the help you can - this will not be easy. Rehab, maybe, but try other avenues first. NarcAnon was a good suggestion. I'm sure there are community programs out there for you that won't cost an arm and a leg. Don't give up!! Your live will be so much better when you both become clean. You will be in my prayers.


Little T in SRQMessage #11
01/19/08 03:37 PM No, there are no kids, thank god. But we do know couples with kids who are using, even dealing. We don't have a "party house" per se and our friend that will be moving in is one of the few people we know who do not use, so that will be good. We do have friends that call for stuff...but they will be cut off. There are some friends that are in the same boat as us who will understand what we are trying to do. As for telling my parents, GOD I want to so bad...but it will KILL my mom. She will absolutely flip. Brother got arrested, about two weeks ago (not the first time) my mother passed out. Out like a light. I know we have to take action NOW. Luckily my hubby and I are very close and talk a whole lot. We understand eachother very well and rarely fight. We are united in this.


your erisedMessage #12
01/19/08 04:32 PM picking a roommate who doesn't use was a good decision. i think you're going to find that you lose several friends from this step, but those aren't the kind of people you want around anyways. i've been reading lots of personal finance books lately, and i think in dave ramsey's "how to have more than enough" there's a section about geese. that sounds odd, but what he's talking about is how geese fly in a V to help each other along. when geese get out of the V formation, it's much much harder for them to go on. he says you need to find people who are headed in the same direction you are, and those become the people you associate with. it's too hard for you to try to stay on track when you're w/a group who has opposite goals and is slowing you down. also, once you start changing, it'll remind your old friends that they're making bad decisions. since they haven't decided to change their ways, your change will bother them. finding a group of people to encourage you and provide support will help you get further in your efforts.


Heather953Message #13
01/19/08 05:32 PM My friend was addicted to coke, and it got so bad that she told me she never went to work without being on it or drunk. It was bad because we were coworkers and I knew she was on something but didn't realize it was all the time. Also, she let a 16 year old take the fall for drinking in the stockroom (we found a half empty bottle of wine) when it was her who did it.
Basically, I think she confided in me because I am incredibly straight-laced and she thought I could help her. She wanted to quit on some level but kept relapsing. So, I told her a lie which scared her stiff into sobering up completely.
Anyways, my point is that I think you should talk to your parents - maybe your father - about it and ask for help. The problem with your brother is that he's in trouble because he doesn't really want to be better which is sad to say but probably reality. However, if you really want to get better than you need to drop the friends that are into that scene, and get help.


homeschoolmomof5Message #14
01/19/08 09:36 PM Your post is about the costs of this addiction, and you're focused on your home. I'm not sure if you really realize what this could cost you.
The drugs themselves are actually the *least* expensive cost for you. Unfortunately, if you get caught, there will court fees, fines, lost wages, etc. Rehab can get pricey too. If you wind up with a felony drug conviction, you will be unable to get student loans if you ever do go to school. There are some schools you won't even be able to go to. There will be a lot of employers that won't hire you. Once you've been addicted to drugs, your health costs, for the rest of your life, may be higher. Your health insurance will be higher, because if you ever do rehab or any kind of counseling etc. to get better, it will be in your medical file and you will always have a "previous drug addiction". You'll potentially have more health problems that will cost you more. You'll be more likely to have pregnancy issues, if/when you get pregnant. Losing your home will be low on the list of what your addiction could cost you.
Above, Heather953 posted that she told someone a lie that scared them into stopping. Honestly, I think the truth about what this could do to you is far scarier.
You sound so honest and understanding in your post. You actually sound like a great person. Please hang in there and don't give up on getting better.


2007debtheavenMessage #15
01/19/08 09:52 PM I'm a mom of two kids about your age, slightly younger. I can understand you wanting to spare your parents. If you and DH can do this on your own, that's fabulous. But if you can't, PLEASE ask your parents for help.

Look at it this way: if you can't, they'll end up finding out anyway, one way or another.

DO NOT ACCEPT any guests that aren't willing to roll with your new decisions. Who cares what the excuse is? Spaced out, busy, working, tired, naked, whatever.

You may need to move. That's OK! Good for you that the renter doesn't do drugs. I'd try to do without the renter if I could.

Hugs, white light, strength, whatever. You can do this!!! But if you need your parents' help, that's what parents are there for.


Little T in SRQMessage #16
01/20/08 10:55 AM I really appreciate all your kind words. I agree with all of you. I've thought of this all myself too. Heather, I too have also know people (adult) on that. It pretty much ruined my husband's family, literally. I will say that our problem is not that. *Sigh* Prescription pills are VERY available. Everywhere. You could go to a "Pain Specialist" and say that you have pain in your back, boom there's a script. I suspect half the people getting this stuff are lying to their dr's. And it's potent stuff, they hand it out like candy. See, I don't want our problems to be documented anywhere. I have thought about going to counselors and I think that will be my next step. Tomorrow, I will call around and make an appt. But as of right now, we have cut down to bare min. Just enough to not feel like sh*t, not enough to get high. You know, I NEVER, EVER thought this would happen to me. Hubby is a great guy, amazing, because, he has been through stuff I cannot imagine. Taken away from his family at a young age, dealt with family addictions his whole life, just anything you can imagine that would turn a kid into a horrible person. And he is just gold. I do blame his mother for a lot of his problems. This lady, "homeschooled" him (no offense homeschoolmom, I imagine you teach your children well, and care for them well) Hubby can barely read. That is where a LOT of his insecurities come from. I love it when he plays video games. OK, that's enough for now, I know it's anonomous, but sheesh, tmi. Thank you everyone, you are all very kind.


Chinsy4Message #17
01/20/08 11:31 AM You can't afford NOT to get counseling. You cannot whitewash this and hope it goes away. You know you need help so you need to get it. So what if you have to pay for it? I think your mental health is priceless and that is what you need to do. And, you need to be completely honest and forthright with your counselors so they can understand and delve into the full extent of the problem.
If you don't, you risk letting this take over and ruin your life.


Chinsy4Message #18
01/20/08 11:40 AM Addictions can be very expensive. From tobacco and alcohol to lattes!

alibeanMessage #19
01/20/08 11:52 AM My husband is in a methadone clinic- the costs are about 110 per week (luckily, insurance covers it this year). He was into heroin before I met him and was spending close to 1k a day (I don't want to even ask how he got the money).

During that time, he stopped paying bills, costing him his car, his credit. He got 2 DUIs (luckily, with no drugs in his system or on him).

Shortly after we started dating, he started 'self medicating' with pain pills, ranging from oxycotin to methadone to percacit. He was spending about 1k a week. We were at a breaking point in our relationship and I found out I was pregnant. When I told him, he checked himself into the methadone clinic that day, without even telling me. That really told me he was ready to get clean and he has kept his promise to our daughter. I am so proud of him and he is a great dad.

During our marriage, we have covered the cost of the DUIs, luckily only 1k. Then we say the repossed car fee come back for 14k, they accepted 10.5k.

Yes, his clinic is very expensive, but he has stayed clean because of it. They do random drug screenings and couseling. So we pay 5.5k per year...at least he is learning how to stay responsible. Now he helps around the house, helps with car maintence and paying the bills every month. It is a slow process, but he is able to function normally and helpfully to those around him.

I know there is a lot of controversey surrounding methadone clinics, but this has honestly saved my husband's life. Otherwise, he would have gone to jail or just been a drain on his family, me and lost the opportunity to know his daughter. It is all case by case. But try, if you can!


laterbloomerMessage #20
01/20/08 12:36 PM Though some people manage to be functioning addicts/alcoholics for many years, maintaining homes, education, good paying jobs etc. you do not seem to be one of those. I wasn't either. The upside of that is you recognise the problem quicker. You have access to rehab and counselling. These are useful supports. Many people in recovery find that they also need ongoing support to establish their new lifestyle. Things like AA, NA or self help groups. There are actually a lot of online groups around these very issues. You could search the ones most appropriate for you. Good luck. From what you describe of your lifestyle, families and friends, if you really want to change this your whole life is going to go through major changes. It will be uncomfortable at first but more than worth it in the long run. And I will endorse what others have said about telling your parents.
Good luck.


Little T in SRQMessage #21
01/20/08 01:39 PM I have thought about methadone clinics. I know methadone is also addictive, maybe not as addictive as the opiates, easier to get off of though. I have a friend who is going to one, and they are excited about getting off the drugs. Ali, you are very strong to have stayed by your hubby's side. He is also very strong to have gotten help. I have known people that do or have tried heroine. I myself have never seen the stuff. I know that bro is now going to an addiction specialist, pricey one at that. My parents are paying for him. This dr is giving him medicine for his depression, as he just got out of a tumultuous (sp) long term relationship. I just saw him this morning and found out that he is mixing his psych drugs with the pain killers. I told him he shouldn't, he told me that I shouldn't really say anything because we do that same. (Not mixing, just the PK's) I guess he is right, but I did also tell him that we are making a conscious (sp) effort to stop. This is hard for me because I've heard many stories about people mixing small amounts of Oxy and say Xanax, and dying of the reaction of combining. I think if I were going to this dr and he were prescribing me the psych drugs, I would definetly not mix them. This is tough. It is everywhere. Bloomer, we have actually been in this "rut" for a couople years. We have been very good about keeping our secret and have only done it in our home. It has slowly gotten to the point where we feel like doing it before work, which is obviously very bad. The turning point was probably when we started crushing the pills I could easily be productive on the stuff daily. Honestly I feel more productive when I am on them. It's ironic isn't it.


opedMessage #22
01/20/08 01:39 PM This lady, "homeschooled" him (no offense homeschoolmom, I imagine you teach your children well, and care for them well) Hubby can barely read. That is where a LOT of his insecurities come from.
This is one of the reasons why, even though i may complain a bit, i don't mind that PA has strict regulations regarding homeschoolers making progress... i dont' want to be told too much what to do, but i'd hate to see parents using homeschooling as a sheild to neglect or abuse...
There are many programs that can be used to teach adults to read, and as adult learners are often motivated, they can be very effective. I've used the Wilson Reading Program for older teens, there is a lot of higher level vocabulary even though they break down reading steps into small chuncks and go back to the beginning.... When you have an immediate handle on the drug issue, i would look into adult literacy programs as a start to get him feeling better about himself. I have a cousin who i believe had a learning disability, but to his dad he was just 'stupid'... this had a significant impact on who he became, so i think that, while other issues are more pressing at the moment, self esteem can be easily twined up in it all... there are people out there who want to help... go out and find them... again, good luck...



Little T in SRQMessage #23
01/20/08 02:32 PM Thanks, for the info Oped. I think his mother was a horrible mother. I guess she did the best she could in a twisted sort of way. Guys, I have been thinking alot about what you all have said, and am feeling pretty good about myself today, pretty motivated. This week I think will be the beginning of our new life! We got off to a good start in life, (besides the drugs) and all we have to do is work really hard to keep everything that we have. Today we are cleaning house, hubby is outside redoing the shed and I am inside cleaning. We will have a nice long talk tonight about what our next step should be. I'm also thinking I should call my bro and take him out for coffee and have a nice long talk w/him as well. He is very depressed and I really care about him. If something happens to him that I could have prevented I don't know what I do with myself...I will call him later...

Thank you EVERYONE!!

I honestly thought I would so berated coming on here, ( I might have, had I posted at YM :P) so I am grateful to all you guys and I will be thinking about all your kind words of encouragement.




cindy58Message #24
01/20/08 03:20 PM Please tell your parents. I just went through this with my 25 year old son. He lost everything and it was only a short addiction. As opposed as I am to drugs, I love my son more. His addiction was not a long term one, to oxycontin. We got through it. I learned a lot to help him get through it and now he's doing the work of pulling himself back up from the financial disaster that he has placed himself in. It's not going to be easy; but he will do it. Please talk to your parents. My son told me of his addiction at the end of the first day of quiting cold turkey. He was staying with me. Was I upset and disappointed, frightened? Yes. But the fact was, he was doing something about it. There is no point in dwelling on how he got there; there was only supporting his decision to climb out and assisting him in any way that I could to be strong enough to get through the withdrawals. That was several months ago; he's doing well with being clean, but has a hard road to rebuild his credit, references, finances, life. I wish you luck in dealing with this, but do urge you to stay strong and get clean before you hit bottom. I wish you love and luck...... please please please open up to your parents (or someone strong, who loves you and is clean)....and let them help.
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jenna30Message #27
01/20/08 06:54 PM If you're crushing the pills, and using them to "get through life" - you need rehab. If it's anything like Oxycontin, you're going to need help. If telling your parents will help you get off the pk's - tell your parents.


20somethingerMessage #28
01/20/08 09:14 PM Hi Everyone! I am new here- just found this board today and happened to come across this thread. Little T- I think I have an idea what type of place you are from. I grew up in SW FL also... PC. It was exactly the same as how you describe where you are. It is hard for me to even just go back for a weekend and not fall into old habits, because my friends from there have not changed since high school (we are in our mid 20's). It wasn't too hard for me to get over my habits once I left- people are not like that everywhere else! College was a little bit crazy, but not as bad as PC. Now that I'm working/going to grad school, and I have friends who are married and starting families, I've found productive ways to entertain myself and fill my time, and am able to relax and unwind with just my fiance and dog- no drugs or alcohol needed! I suggest you get away from where you live as soon as you can. And far enough- people who stayed within a few hours all seem to end up coming back.
Also- as you mentioned in your original post- addictions are expensive! As you start saving and investing, it will help you to quit spending money on things you don't need and motivate you! I use a retirement calculator to see how much every $50 I spend today on something I don't need would be worth in 30 years if I put it in my money market account or IRA. Good luck!!


homeschoolmomof5Message #29
01/20/08 09:57 PM Good grief Little T in SRQ! I've noticed that this message board is the "homeschool horror board!"
So let me add a little more horror. Sorry, but it might help you to make some choices. My first husband was also "homeschooled" starting in the 7th grade. However his mom was nuts - I mean she'd do things like tell him she was going to slit her wrists if he decided to go back to school. They never did any schoolwork - ever. Instead, all this emotional abuse perpetuated itself under the guise of "homeschooling". For my ex-husband, he has had a LONG road to recovery. Since his mother didn't use a charter school or anything (which is legal in Ca) he didn't even have a high school diploma. He had to start by taking remedial classes to get his GED. He was behind in EVERY area. It took a huge commitment and years of work to learn what he had missed. From what it sounds like, I don't know if your husband is ready to make that kind of commitment. Despite all the work my ex-spouse did, he still hasn't completely get it together and he still has a hard time functioning. It's been 17 years now. He's had all sorts of difficulties gaining and keeping employment, he's had intermittent substance abuse problems, he's been in and out of counseling, etc.
This is not to mean that your husband can't do it. I just want to make sure you know how much work it would be for him to overcome this. He's lost a lot more than education, there's a whole social aspect and functioning in society that he didn't get either. Furthermore, a person's brain develops differently after their teen years that changes how they learn. He definitely needs some kind of comprehensive adult education program, that would be the place to start.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. You sound bright. Keep us posted on your progress.
P.S. My children are homeschooled through a public charter school. They are tested yearly. They have activity requirements (Karate, Dance lessons, Music Lessons, Community Service, etc.). At any point in time they can go back into a classroom and be even with, or ahead, of their peers. It makes me sooo angry when I hear about parents who do this to their children and call it homeschooling. If someone can't do the same - or better - job than the public school environment, they shouldn't take their kids out of school. I am all for CA having stricter homeschooling laws. I know I'd meet them.


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Little T in SRQMessage #31
01/21/08 02:08 PM Let me start this post by saying that I took the day off and have been watching intervention online all morning. I saw an episode the other day with "Ryan" a serious addict. It scary as hell to see what these drugs, any addictive drug can do to your life. I will say that I have not done any for about a day so far and am only feeling mildly chilly. I feel fine. By the end of this week, I suspect, we should be done with it and moving on. I would die if my whole family were sitting in a room waiting to send me off somewhere. I don't think we need rehab, and I'm not saying that because I'm in denial. I do think we need counseling, but we are able to stop the drug ourselves. It has only started to become..."life altering" i guess is the way I should put it. There are extreme levels to addiction I think. Mild to servere, it's not like one day you wake and think "Oh dang I need to get high now." It is very gradual in our experience. Like I said, we have been taking the Pk's on and off for about oh maybe two years at most. It has only lately been everyday. 20Something I really appreciate your post. You know I actually grew up in NJ. Moved down when I was 13. Maybe it's cause I was too young, but I never saw anything up there...but I have heard stories from old friends. My best friend from NJ never got involved with anything really. But anyways I just wanted to let you all know that I'm here and working through it. It kinda sucks..but at least I'm not Ryan...

Little T in SRQMessage #32
01/21/08 02:13 PM I also wantedd to say thank you cindy and smh (those initials are familiar to me...) I will not tell my parents. They have enough to deal with now. I may tell them in the future. I have been thinking alot about this, it has weighed very heavily on my mind, these posts and Intervention... :P I could type on forever though, it's always been easy for me to write my feelings... :P


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Little T in SRQMessage #33
01/21/08 02:27 PM smh, I reread your posts and studied them a little. Amazing. You are an inspiration. I will be thinking alot about you. And everyone else. If you've ever taken any kind of drug, obviously while you are high you don't care about anything else. For me, I could focus and not "dwell" which is what I do best... :P We just have to learn to do it with out it...It won't be easy, but I imagine it will be easier then what you went through smh...

Thank you


MajorlyMotivatedMessage #34
01/21/08 04:09 PM Little T,
Let me start by congratulating you and you husband for wanting to better your lives. I do not have any experience in this department, so I can not imagine how difficult this must be.
I do not think anyone else has commented on this, if they have, sorry for the repetitive post.
You mentioned that your husband's family is familiar with the drug scene. Are their habits in the past or is it still an ongoing battle? You also said that they not only know about you and your husbands problem but are possibly one of the reasons you two started using in the first place. If their using is still happening, then you need to treat them like you "friends" that use drugs and cut them out of your life. If the drug using is strictly in the past you would think that by them having first hand knowledge of what drugs can do to personal/family life, they would be first in line offering help in any way possible. Even if your in-laws have stopped using drugs but are not actively pushing you to quit (and I mean 110% pushing), then really think about the message they are sending you and how much you allow them to influence your's and husband's life. A friend that does nothing is just as guilty.


jn527-1Message #35
01/21/08 04:22 PM It's possible to leave it all behind. I started drug use also before high school. Growing up in hawaii it was way to easy to get into the culture and habit. Also starting sex very early as well. I had tons of bad behavior I hide from my parents because I was a straight A student, tons of extracurriculars, but I enjoyed doing "fun" things. I had my first illegal id at 15. And I got my tatoo as well. Trust me, I entered college at 16 very far away from home and it helped A LOT. I moved away from my "fun" friends, I didn't drink as much or try fun drugs.

Seriously move away. I finished college and never moved home. I had fun in college, but probably less than a lot of my peers because I had started earlier. I had already had sex, tatoos, drinking, drugs.

But being away from those people really helped. I wonder if that's why my parents let me go so early because they knew I was having way to much fun at home? I've never had the nerve to ask.

By the time I meet DH, I still drank a bit, but being with him steadied me even more. And now a responsible 28 year old. If I looked back at the 14 year old me, I'd tell me to stop doing all those things. But it's hard when you live in such a free, fun, permissive culture. Hence I'd definitely move away.

Get a fresh start, it's amazing what happens when you meet people who don't act like that. Who don't push you into partying all the time. It's easier to pretend to live the straight and narrow until it becomes your life. Good luck.


buggirlMessage #36
01/21/08 04:43 PM Little T in SRQ

This subject has touched my life -- and I feel for you. I know what a very long road you will have. Hang in there...

I urge you to definitely seek support from a local NA chapter and you will see that you are not alone in your situation. It is a very valuable resource and it is free support. Many people have been in similar situations and can offer you much needed support and tons of information. The most important of which is that you are not alone and you go through what you need to go through -- and grow.

Peace be with you on this journey.

http://moneycentral.msn.com/community/m ... womeninred

There are many more ... go to the link for all of the posts

why do people get married so early? she is in her early 20's and married already