Is She Too Liberal for America?

Nancy Pelosi: Speaking for America?

By John Lillpop Wednesday, October 7, 2009
- Satire -

Now that Nancy Pelosi has shattered the gender barrier, glass ceiling, and incredulity index all in one fell swoop, Americans are starting to worry that she may be just a tad too liberal to be second in the succession line for the U.S. Presidency.

After all, Comrade Nancy does hail from San Francisco—the only American city that tried to join the former USSR, but was rejected because Moscow found folks here too far to the left.

In order to calm the minds of those fearing the worse from Speaker-Queen Pelsoi, several common myths, and exaggerations concerning San Francisco liberalism must be debunked.

Namely, contrary to popular belief, it is NOT:

A felony to vote Republican in San Francisco, although it is a misdemeanor to register as a Democrat or Independent with the knowing intent of voting Republican at a future date;

Against the law to fly Old Glory without a special permit—except on Cinco de Mayo day when the Mexican flag is preeminent, and must not be mocked with vulgar displays of excessive Americanism;

A hate crime to speak English, except at fast-food restaurants, car washes, emergency rooms, and when speaking to Hispanics obviously here illegally;

A violation to wear the uniform of the Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marines, unless one does so with an arrogant, “America First,â€