Interesting satire.
Screw Cinco De Mayo, You Whiny Liberal Idiots


CHRISTOPHER BEDFORD
Senior Editor
11:22 AM 05/06/2015


Enough, Cinco de Mayo. It just isn’t worth it.

Sometimes a holiday is worth the bullshit. Eating turkey and keeping up with your family can be work, but it’s important. By your 13th birthday, you may know fireworks are lame, but by then you’ve developed a taste for grilling or seafood. Jameson is gross, but corned beef and fiddles are a rare treat.

Nachos and margaritas? Had that last Tuesday. Called it “Taco Tuesday.” And guess what: That wasn’t racist.
(That simply is not what racism is.)

But Cinco de Mayo isn’t even the equivalent of New Year’s Eve– a night where you do all the things you might have done anyway, plus annoying crowds. That’s because at least New Year’s Eve doesn’t come with lectures on “how not to be awful this” holiday, or on how it’s racist against Mexico to call guacamole “guac.

(“You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.”)

Exhibit One: This Daily Beast article, in which a young red-headed lady from Portland lets us know that Cinco de Mayo doesn’t “have to be a festival of racist caricatures,” meaning traditional Mexican hats, Mexico’s most famous cocktail, or Tex-Mex food. It should, she says, be a celebration of the finer things: “Norteño music, [in which guys in ponchos and sombreros sing stereotypical songs,] the works of Octavio Paz, [he’s a poet, you uncultured swine,] mole poblano, rebozos, la Guelaguetza,” and other fancy Mexican foods she copied off of a menu in a hip neighborhood in Oregon.

(LATINA STUDENT: Shortening The Word Guacamole Is Offensive To Mexicans)

And, she continues, don’t forget to appreciate the rich history of the Mayans: A cute little story that ends when a bloodthirsty and theocratic empire obsessed with gold meet the Spanish.

Don’t laugh: Stop having fun, and “respectfully witness and enjoy folk music, dance, and art.”

“Put down the salt and lime,” an actually funny Huffington Post piece suggests. “Pick up a history book.”

Sure, fine. So just what is Cinco de Mayo? It’s the anniversary of a victory Mexican forces had over the French — the French in a war the Mexicans lost anyway. It isn’t really celebrated in Mexico, but it is in the United States. K, can we have a Dos Equis now?
No, drinking is practically anti-Semitic, you racist: As our Portlandian inquisitor points out, “it would be very deeply weird for gentiles to throw on yarmulkes, shout random Hebrew phrases and drink Manischewitz until the streets ran purple with sickly sweet vomit” on Hanukkah, which, unlike fake party-holiday Cinco de Mayo, is a sacred religious observance.

It’s about not co-opting other people’s holidays, you guys.

Points would be awarded here for consistency if not for whiny white peoples’ annual penchant for trying to turn a day devoted to strong ale and a Catholic saint into a gay protest. Sure, saying gay activists can’t march in a parade is like telling Islamists they can’t shoot up a draw-Mohammed party, but is that really the point here? Not really. “Everybody’s Irish on St. Patrick’s Day,” says I. Tacky ginger wigs and Leprechaun outfits welcome.

So next Cinco de Mayo, take a card out of The Daily Caller’s playbook, and saddle up to a tacky Texas-stereotype-themed bar, order some delicious nachos and queso, and raise a glass of nasty clear tequila to Lt. Col. George Armstrong Custer. After all, May 5 is also the anniversary of Sitting Bull booking it to Canada. (Bet you didn’t know that, you racist).

Oh, and happy Cinco de Mayo.

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http://dailycaller.com/2015/05/06/sc...iberal-idiots/