Toss one of those plum posts to me, governor
Steve Lopez
January 25, 2009
My application has arrived in the governor's office and my fingers are crossed. If things work out, I could be joining the Schwarzenegger team before you know it.

Sure, the newspaper gig has been fun for 35 years, but the business is a bit shaky these days, and President Obama did ask that we all consider public service.

After watching the governor appoint termed-out legislators and other pals to six-figure salaries on various boards and commissions, some of which meet only once a month, I figured it was time for me to begin a second career.

I hope you don't think of me as a sellout. To be honest, my first instinct was to flog the governor for yet another in his long line of blatant hypocrisies. In addition to promising balanced budgets on time, and getting money out of politics, he pledged to abolish many of the state's 300-plus boards and commissions. His own review panel recommended abolishing 88 of them, including some of the same ones to which he's been making appointments.

I know there are those who think it's wrong that former legislators are getting plum jobs with little or no heavy lifting in the midst of a $41-billion budget shortfall, especially when the state's unemployment rate has soared to 9.3%. And it's true that, even as he's taken care of connected cronies, the governor has ordered 238,000 state employees to be furloughed two days each month or give up 9% of their pay, with layoffs a possibility.

And there are some gripers out there, like Kathay Feng of California Common Cause, who told me, "It's not clear why, for once-a-month meetings, someone should be earning $132,000."

But come on, everybody's doing it. In recent weeks, as my colleague Patrick McGreevy has reported, former legislators Carole Migden of San Francisco, Greg Aghazarian of Stockton, Bonnie Garcia of Cathedral City and George Plescia of La Jolla have all hitched rides on Arnold's gravy trains. They'll be making $128,109 and up for saying "here" at monthly meetings of the Integrated Waste Management Board and the Unemployment Insurance Appeals Board.

And then there's former Assemblywoman Nicole Parra (D- Hanford), who was appointed to a newly-created post. She'll get $128,124 as director of the governor's Regional Development Initiatives. The announcement raised a stir when Parra didn't even seem to know what the job entailed and told reporters, "I'm 38 and could get a job anywhere, but I'm coming home to help the valley."

I'm sure the valley is jumping for joy.

I have one question for the governor: Why not me?

As Feng noted, "the people appointed to these positions do not reflect any particular expertise in the commission's purpose," so I'm perfect for the job -- whatever it is.

I called one of the governor's flacks, Rachel Cameron, to offer my services. She didn't seem to immediately embrace the idea, so I told her the governor and I hit it off nicely when we shared a cigar a few years ago, and he promised a follow-up that's long overdue.

Cameron suggested I go to the governor's website and fill out an application. As a self-starter, I was already halfway through that task.

By my calculation, the governor makes appointments to 15 or more boards and commissions that pay good salaries in addition to daily expenses. I'm not going to be picky about it, but I did list a preference on my application for some of the highest paying boards:

Integrated Waste Management, Workers' Compensation Appeals, Unemployment Insurance Appeals, Occupational Safety & Health Appeals and Public Employment Relations.

My research revealed that some boards actually require you to do much more than simply show up at meetings. Let's hope I don't get stuck with one of those. But I'm no shirker.

"Let it be known that I'm willing to serve on more than one board simultaneously," I wrote on my application.

For instance, if there are only 12 annual meetings of the Waste Management board, I don't see why I couldn't also find the time for twice-monthly meetings of the Gambling Control Commission. That would give me two six-figure salaries and leave plenty of free time for hiking, golfing, moviegoing, whatever. Even a full-time job, if I were feeling particularly motivated.

Cameron asked, rather pointedly, if I was going to call legislative leaders Karen Bass in the Assembly and Darrell Steinberg in the Senate and apply for one of the many board and commission jobs they control.

Absolutely. I know both of them and can only hope they'll give me serious consideration.

Legislative leaders, in fact, recently lined up waste management posts for former Assemblyman John Laird of Santa Cruz and termed-out Sen. Sheila Kuehl of Los Angeles, and there are plenty more unnecessary jobs where those came from.

The Kuehl and Migden postings were announced by Waste Management board Chairwoman Margo Reid Brown, the governor's former scheduler, who said she was "extremely pleased" to give the news. Her good cheer is a bit puzzling when you consider that, according to spokeswoman Cameron, Schwarzenegger still thinks the board should be abolished and its work taken over by the state Environmental Protection Agency.

But let's hope that doesn't happen. How would we know to recycle and reduce waste without these people holding a dozen meetings a year at a cost of millions? Besides, I've got some strong feelings about integrated waste management and think it's high time we got serious about segregated waste management, as well.

As for chairwoman Brown, I'm hoping she can put her background as a scheduler to good use by scheduling a party for me when I get to Sacramento. I'd like her to invite former Schwarzenegger aide Richard Costigan, who gets roughly $40,000 for part-time work at the Personnel Board, and all the other Schwarzenegger minions who've been rotated in and out of cushy jobs. And I definitely want to meet Parra and ask if she's finally figured out what she was hired to do.

I hope I don't get tripped up by question No. 30 on the application, which asked if I'd ever written anything controversial.

My answer:

"I have on occasion written some things about Gov. Schwarzenegger that I now regret."

Honest, Arnold. Come through for me here, and your next cigar is on me.

steve.lopez@latimes.com
http://www.latimes.com/news/columnists/ ... 986.column