Thread: ALIPAC Proof Reading Help Needed

Friends,

I have a work in progress on the homepage. Im in a big rush to get it ready for release to NC tonight. Once it is ready, I will need your help to push it all across the state!

Please help me by proof reading this and posting any needed corrections here in this thread.

Thank you for the help.

W

Article prepping for release

State and Local Police CAN enforce immigration law and do so in some states!

http://www.alipac.us/article-623-thread-1-0.html

I need everyone's help and attention on this that I can get. We will need help because we are about to pump this out to the entire state including all city, county, and state law enforcement officials and media.

Let's get together folks! We will use this thread to coordinate our efforts.

W

May I suggest, that at the end of this Paragraph?

Maybe say. That the sad thing is that he will be deported and without border security. There is a good possibility that he will be back doing the same thing.



The situation is so far out of control that if the man charged with the Murder of Scott Gardner had not received such a high level of media attention and he was scheduled to be released from a North Carolina prison today after serving his sentence, the chances are high he would be released back onto our streets without deportation.

Scuba,

I would add that but I think because of the attention this story has received they will give him a very stiff sentence.

W

Uh - :P

The Charlotte Observer continues to report that police only check immigration status on crimes that felonies.

on crimes that are felonies

The situation is so far out of control that if the man charged with the Murder of Scott Gardner had not received such a high level of media attention and he was scheduled to be released from a North Carolina prison today after serving his sentence, the chances are high he would be released back onto our streets without deportation.

Having trouble myself with this paragraph. It's confusing to me but maybe that's just me :P (murder should not be capitalized). Was the DWI'er to be released from prison before killing Gardner or after or what?

If Time Magazine's estimates are correct, this number will double in less than 5 years which may overwhelmed our law enforcement, state budget, hospitals, schools, and establish areas of gang rule in our fair state!

change "overwhelmed" to "overwhelm"

state police resources to begin apprehending illegal alien's that commit crimes and enforcing our existing immigration laws at the earliest opportunity.

"alien's" to plural of "aliens" rather than possessive

at the earliest opportunity? NO - NOW - YESTERDAY! :P

MBlue,

Thank you for the fine proofing. Check out the ending, you like it better now?

W

I'm switching the volunteer coordinating thread over to this one...

http://www.alipac.us/ftopicp-41882.html#41882

I have e-mailed you an attachment with the article in Word with editing having been done using the revision tool.

It needs more work than I can provide this quickly, but the original has some organization problems.

If you were to apply the changes I suggest, I am sure it will still require additional clean up.

IMVHO

LOL

HonestConservative

Originally Posted by ALIPAC

MBlue,

Thank you for the fine proofing. Check out the ending, you like it better now?

W

:P Immdiately is too soon! :P