Thread: Laughs for the DAY! Tongue in Cheek Editorials

This editorial can be found at www.journalnow.com:



Bits and Pieces
Winston-Salem Journal
Saturday, December 3, 2005


Bush's Visit

Word is that President Bush will talk about economic and tax issues when he visits a Kernersville factory Monday. But we wonder if other issues might cross his mind as he speaks at the Deere-Hitachi Construction Machinery Corp. plant. He might be thinking he'd like to hop on one of those earth-moving machines the plant makes and bury some of those critics who keeping coming at him. Might be more fun than clearing brush out at the Texas ranch - and the president isn't likely to see as many protesters here as the small army he's been finding recently in Crawford.

A Noble End

We're glad Rocky Mount officials have ended two years of arguing whether a statue of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. looks like him by scrapping plans for the statue and using the money to help needy folks pay their utility bills this winter. King, who kept his focus on the underdog, would have approved.

Change of Heart

Some people may have been surprised to learn on Thursday - World AIDS Day - that Jesse Helms has made a videotape urging church members and others to help fight AIDS in Africa, and to treat victims of AIDS as if they belong to their own family. During his long tenure as a senator from North Carolina, Helms was often quite pointed in his opposition to money for AIDS research and laws to protect gays.

But Helms' change of heart began before he retired from the Senate early in 2003. He has written that Franklin Graham of Samaritan's Purse and Bono, the lead singer in the rock band U2, convinced him that his opposition to money for AIDS research was wrong. He has publicly - and courageously - said that he has come to understand that AIDS is not a disease confined to those who choose promiscuous sexual behavior or drug abuse. Maybe "Senator No's" public conversion to "Senator Yes" will lead others to show AIDS victims more compassion and support.

New Venture for 'Brownie'

The news that Michael Brown, recently of FEMA fame, is starting a disaster-preparedness consulting company confirms once and for all that truth is stranger than fiction.

Unless we're missing something. Maybe Brown, who had certain other priorities during Hurricane Katrina, just wants to advise clients on the finer points of worrying about fashion and dog-sitters while being paid tax dollars to respond to death and disaster.

Cheers for Drug Sales

Given their cheerfulness and all-American good looks, it's hard to believe that so many cheerleaders grow up to be drug dealers. Well, not exactly. The New York Times reported this week that the major pharmaceutical companies like to recruit college cheerleaders - mostly females - for their sales departments. They have the spunk and the smiles, and for some reason, the nation's still heavily male corps of physicians is willing to take time from busy schedules to meet with them.

We can just imagine what those meetings sound like: "Two bits, four bits, six bits, a dollar, all for Lipitor, stand up and holler!"

Bad Jokes Ahead

It was bad enough that a Florida man, apparently drunk, lit up a smoke on a plane and urinated in the aisle last week, forcing the plane to land in Charlotte. But Mark McGovern, who told a federal judge he's a homeless lawyer, has given homeless folks a bad name. And he's also done what might have seemed impossible - opened the door for even more lawyer jokes.

The Crumbling Court

Speaking of lawyer jokes… The structure of the U.S. Supreme Court is crumbling, putting Authority and Liberty at risk. A basketball-sized chunk of marble fell from the façade over the court's entrance Monday. The piece that fell was over the figure of Authority and to the right of Liberty, the lady with the scales of justice on her lap.

Fortunately, nobody got hurt - by the marble. No word yet on whether anyone got paper cuts from the cards of lawyers offering to sue.

Road House Revisited

The Katrina-ravaged Gulf Coast sure needs plenty of economic enterprise, but we have to wonder about one venture in a town about an hour from New Orleans: a sequel to Road House, the 1989 movie that starred Patrick Swayze as a bouncer.

There might be just a couple of more poignant, worthwhile themes for movies down that way these days.

'Aqualung' Does Christmas

While doing a little Christmas shopping, the Bits crew noticed, playing over the loudspeakers, music by - Jethro Tull? Indeed, Ian Anderson's band has put together a Christmas album that includes a few songs from the wintry Songs From the Woods, as well as new holiday-theme tunes and jazzed-up versions of traditional carols.

Befuddlement quickly gave in to joy. Even the most enthusiastic Christmas fan can become a scrooge after a few hours in crowded shopping centers and parking lots. And even the most hardened scrooge can be warmed by unexpected music from an eclectic and imaginative band of musicians.

We were talking at work yesterday about Monday's visit & couldn't come up with a reason for it. Who knows.

homeless lawyer

A former ACLU homeless lawyer I wonder

Those were just SO FUNNY.