No really, a true story...

August 14, 2008 - 2:22PM


It wasn't publicized for obvious reasons, but last week presidential hopefuls John McCain and Barack Obama actually spent a few hours in Kinston.
The two candidates met in Washington to be briefed on a national security issue, and afterwards there was a security mix-up at the airport, which left both men stranded in Washington.
"You know, John, you and I have never really had a chance to talk," Barack said. "Why don't we just rent a car and take a drive?"
"That sounds swell, Barack," McCain said.
Over their shoulder, Dick Cheney couldn't resist.
"I've got shotgun!" Cheney said.
Obama and McCain just stared at Cheney until the sneer left his face and he headed back to his bunker.
The two presidential candidates proceeded to rent a car and hit the road. Both men had scheduled stump speeches in the south, so they told their people to meet them in Raleigh.
As the two men traveled, they discussed the issues. McCain asked Barack if he thought he had enough experience to be president. Obama questioned McCain's support of NAFTA. When the subject of illegal immigration came up, nothing could be heard but the hum of the 2006 Ford Escort. The only thing that broke the silence was that every 30 miles or so a toll booth operator would ask for change, which made Obama giggle like a kitty.
As the two men stopped for gas, they realized that somewhere along the way they had made a wrong turn. Somehow, they had ended up in a town called Kinston.
"Have you ever heard of this place?" asked McCain.
"No, senator, I haven't," said Obama.
The two men decided to take a walk around town. They had no shortage of places to go for breakfast. They noticed that there were a lot of "Bojangles" restaurants in the area.
"I think "Bojangles" is Cajun-speak for "Starbucks", Obama said.
As the two men walked down Vernon Avenue, they were both shocked at their anonymity. People seemed to recognize them, but nobody made an attempt to speak to them.
McCain approached a man as he was filling his car with gas.
"I'm John McCain and I'd like to be your president," he said. The man replied that gas was too high and he wasn't going to waste a drop of it going to vote for some politician that wasn't going to do anything anyway.
"Well sir, I'm Barack Obama, and I want to change the way Washington operates," Obama said.
"Every politician that's ever run for office has said they're going to change things. Why people actually think you'll be any different is beyond me," said the man as he finished his gas purchase.
Obama and McCain looked at each other in disbelief and continued their walk down Vernon Avenue. They passed a pawn shop where a man was trying to sell a lawnmower with no wheels and a used toothbrush.
"I had no idea things were this bad in America," Obama said. "I didn't notice anything like this on my tour of Germany."
"I know. Everybody had great toothbrushes when I spoke at the Sturgis motorcycle rally last week," McCain said.
At that moment a helicopter landed in the middle of Vernon Avenue. Four Secret Service agents piled out of the helicopter to retrieve the two candidates.
As the helicopter pulled away from Kinston, John Edwards leaped in the air and clung to the bottom of the copter, begging for them to take him back to Washington. In a grand gesture of bipartisan cooperation, Obama and McCain each took turns kicking Edward's hands until he let go of the helicopter and fell gently onto the roof of a passing hog truck.
The two men that would be president reflected on their time together. They learned that there is more to life than $1,000-a-plate fundraisers and hobnobbing with actors and actresses who spout their political views to a public that could care less.
"If I become president, I will make sure that every resident in Kinston receives a toothbrush and a new lawnmower," said Obama.
"If I become president, I will force the DuPont Company to close their plant in Timbuktu and send those jobs back to Kinston.
So relax Kinston, either way, it looks like we're getting a sweet deal.

Contact Jon Dawson at 252-559-1083 or jdawson@freedomenc.com. Visit Jon's blog at http://jdawson.encblogs.com/.

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