http://www.tucsoncitizen.com/daily/opinion/26697.php

Published: 09.20.2006
Smith: Graf makes even Republicans queasy

There's something about Randy Graf that makes even his own party queasy.

Not Joe Sweeney-queasy. Not quite, but somewhere between seasick and wet-your-pants alarmed.

He has this Howdy Doody happy face that doesn't seem to fade entirely, even when he talks about Mexicans.

Mexicans are a subject about which Graf feels quite strongly. Serious. You might say angry.

By Mexicans, I mean illegal immigrants. When one considers the undocumented and Randy Graf in the same brain, it for some reason seems natural to take fallacious shortcuts.

Framed in syllogistic format, it sounds like this: Many illegal immigrants come from south of the border. Most people from Nogales to Tierra del Fuego speak Spanish. Therefore, Mexicans are illegal immigrants. Or vice versa.

Which is the centerpiece of Graf's campaign to replace Jim Kolbe in Congress.

Kolbe was way too soft on Mexicans, in Graf's zeitgeist. So, for that matter, is Gabrielle Giffords, Graf's opponent in the District 8 race. So, for that matter, is everybody else to the left of Joe Sweeney.

Apropos of whom, Sweeney took the last of a two six-gun salute a week ago yesterday: 12 quixotic campaigns for Congress, 12 bullets in the brain.

Perhaps that explains why Sweeney is not simply southern Arizona's Alf Landon. Simple he may be, but more to be pitied than feared - until he gets too close.

Which is precisely what happened last congressional election, when for want of a candidate with any name recognition - 11 losing campaigns leave a guy at least a little of that - Sweeney became the Republican candidate in District 7.

He ran a low-rent, nasty race against Raúl Grijalva, was disavowed by the Republican Party and embarrassed every sentient human being within the sound of my voice.

This time, the Repubs beat Sweeney to the draw, endorsing Ron Drake before the primary (normally considered bad manners, bad politics or both) in a move paralleling Graf's race.

There, they were slightly more subtle, slipping the pin money - $122,000 - to Graf's leading adversary, Steve Huffman. They did it because Graf succeeded in frightening them, his should-be friends.

So, his own party poured sand down a rat hole in a futile attempt to elect Anybody-but-Graf to run against Giffords.

Then incumbent Kolbe said he would not, could not, endorse Graf in the Nov. 7 general election.

The GOP may not wish to smother Randy in his crib, but it cannot be looking forward to hearing him beat the drum for shutting down the U.S.-Mexico border by military force if need be and certainly with the help of the home-grown Minutemen.

Graf's voter base is deep but not broad. He has the religious right, the Minutemen and the racist vote, but I don't think he can count on much enthusiastic assistance from state and national Republican money- and power-brokers.

Word is that Gabby and the Democrats are tickled pink to have Graf to run against. He's a clown, a loser, a former golf pro barely a rung up the evolutionary ladder from part-time softball umpire Joe Sweeney.

Be warned, Ms. Giffords. Be afraid, District 8 Democrats, be very afraid.
Don't get cocky and shiftless and Do the Dewey.

In last week's column, the name of the man I believe to be the greatest racing driver of all time was misspelled. It's Stirling Moss.

Jeff Smith is a local boy trying to live down a one-time fling at political office. He may be reached at (520) 455-5667 or jssmith@starband.net.