'We will never give up'
S. SIDE | Moms team up to battle influence of gangs: 'We didn't raise our kids this way'

May 2, 2008Recommend (2)

BY ANNIE SWEENEY Crime Reporter asweeney@suntimes.com
It's what everyone wants to know after a gang member terrorizes a neighborhood: Where are the parents?

For the last several months, at least some of them have been meeting in a South Side church basement to pray and cry and face a deep shame: They are mothers of the gang-bangers on the corners. Or they fear their child is about to join a gang.

» Click to enlarge image These moms and others have been meeting to face a deep shame: They are mothers of the gang-bangers on the corners. Or they fear their child is about to join a gang.
(Chris Sweda/Sun-Times)

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Many are also single parents, struggling to pay bills. They work 16 hours a day, and every time they hear a gunshot, they worry their child has been shot or has shot someone else's child. Some chase after their kids at 2 a.m.; others have stood in defiance when they won't leave a corner.

And yes, they wonder what they did wrong.

"It's very difficult,'' said Lisa Rivera, a Bridgeport mom who goes to police community meetings and baseball games, yet still fights the gang influence over her three teens.

"The first couple of times, all I did was sit there and listen and cry. It's hard to explain, but there is a lot of shame and embarrassment. All we know is we didn't raise our kids this way. ... We are not crackhead alcoholics."

The group of about 25 Hispanic mothers -- Families of the Community -- come from the South and Southwest sides. They were organized by Oscar Contreras, a supervisor for Catholic Charities who works in the Back of the Yards neighborhood.

Some of the mothers have joined the group simply to be a part of fighting violence.

But some will admit their sons are in gangs -- or at least starting to hang out in the wrong place. They see nasty, defiant attitudes developing. Or their girls are starting to hang out with gang members.

In the worst case, they are like Maria Chavez, a member of the group who chased her son off corners his whole life, only to have him join a gang and get killed in 2001.

"We started realizing all these moms are wounded,'' Contreras said. "Who is helping them cope? Who is helping them understand what their son is doing? They feel helpless or hopeless. Now they don't feel alone.''

In a statement on how the violence has affected them, the group speaks about how they fear they "will be the ones left to visit jail and graves." But they also speak of unconditional love.

"Yes, we know what our sons and daughters have become, but a mother will always love her child,'' it reads.

This weekend, the moms will attend a march in Back of the Yards that will draw politicians and police brass such as Supt. Jody Weis. They also will be joined by other Back of the Yards groups who have long worked to steer kids away from gangs and into positive programs.

Now, after several meetings, these moms feel like they, too, can be part of the solution.

"We don't want to hang our heads,'' Rivera said. "We want to continue to talk to our kids, pray for our kids. ... When moms like us come out of their homes and [don't] feel ashamed, that's when you make change.''

The march will kick off at the home of a Back of the Yards mother who was fatally shot last Halloween while trick-or-treating with her children. The shooting became a rallying point.

Chicago Police sent in a team of officers to get to know residents and work with them to gather information. Several community members -- including some of the moms -- gathered information to lead police to the alleged shooter, who was charged in March.

The Rev. Bruce Wellems, pastor of Holy Cross/Immaculate Heart of Mary, helped organize the march to remind everyone, as summer approaches, that there are peaceful alternatives and the community needs to surround the kids. Wellems said he welcomes the moms group as a part of the ongoing response.

"It's terrific. This is moms talking about family and what it is to be a mom in that neighborhood,'' he said. "When you are ashamed, you hide. When you recognize it, you realize people will accept you.''


Excerpt of Oscar Contreras poem
Yes we know what our sons and daughters have become but a mother will always love her child. Even when society says I've done a bad job and the time comes when, God forbid, they are taken from us whether by a judge or by their own bad choices, we will be the ones left to visit jail and graves. There isn't anything we wouldn't do to change what they have become but no matter what, we will never give up, just as God has never given up on us. His love and mercy are unconditional even though time after time we continue to disappoint him.

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