Thread: Humor!! Brilliant lawyers!!!

Received via e-mail from a friend in Australia!!!!

Subject: Fw: Fwd: Brilliant lawyers.
> >
> >
> (These selections are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts'
> and are things people actually said in court, word for word, recorded and
> now published by court reporters who had the torment of trying to stay calm
> while these exchanges were actually taking place.)
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>
> ATTORNEY: This, 'myasthenia gravis', does it affect your memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ ____
>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
> doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ____________ _________ ____ ___________
>
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
> WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ ____
>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ __
>
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Getting laid.
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new
> attorney?
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS: Take a guess.
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
> ____________ _________ _________ _______
>
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
> notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ____________ _________ _________ ________
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
> people?
> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ __
>
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ __
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
> ____________ _________ _________ ________
>
> And the best for last:
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
> pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
> the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising
> law.
> >
> [cid:image001.gif@01CA199E.314C4690]

Grandmasmad- Too funny,Thanks for sharing!




Rawhide!

I want to sue! Nearly choked to death reading this.