Border Patrol Agents To Be Issued Hot Sauce Launchers

The Border Patrol’s decision to supply border agents with the less than lethal air-powered FN303 reminds me of the old joke about taking a knife to a gun fight. In the last year or so American Border Patrol agents have become more and more exposed to illegal aliens who are willing to resort to deadly force to get into the United States. Border Patrol agents have come under fire from commandos style cocaine smugglers armed with everything from high-powered assault rifles to fifty caliber machine guns mounted in the back of an American made Humvee along a stretch of border where rival drug gangs frequently fight over territory with bazookas, hand grenades and heavy machine-gun fire. Deported felons, re-entering the United States for the fifth or sixth time, are packing large caliber, semi-automatic handguns for the trip, and they aren’t shy about using them on anyone who gets in their way. Groups of illegal aliens have ambushed Border Patrol Agents in the desert, trying to crush their skulls with bowling ball sized rocks and Mexican drug cartels operating on both sides of the southern border have offered a $50,000 bounty for the assassination of any U.S. law-enforcement officer. Overall, there has been a 78% increase in violent assaults against American Border Patrol agents in the last year alone. Border Patrol Agents defending themselves against potentially lethal violence with their standard issue .40-caliber handguns and collapsible batons are subject to intense scrutiny, the increasing possibility of intense federal investigations, formal complaints by the Mexican government and indictment by federal prosecutors resulting in kangaroo court trials and questionable convictions resulting in lengthy prison sentences amidst the same illegal aliens you attempted to apprehend.

In the face of these growing problems, top Border Patrol officials have determined that it is appropriate to make the FN303 air gun available to their agents. The FN303 will replace the current pepper-ball launchers currently used by the Border Patrol which have a maximum effective range of approximately 60 feet. The FN303 fires a .68 caliber capsicum and non-toxic dye filled plastic projectile around 225 feet which is somewhat better than your average off-the-shelf paintball gun, but when you get right down to it, the FN303 is in every sense of the word - a glorified paintball gun. It might come in handy for an agent needing to subdue a couple of miscreants lobbing rocks on a slow afternoon, but shooting plastic gumballs filled with taco sauce at someone with a loaded firearm is less than appropriate, and the consequence of trying to apprehend the sort of violent felons frequenting the southern border region of this nation with a less-than-lethal weapon is apt to be fatal for any Border Patrol agent foolish enough to try it. The capsicum in those little balls may be hotter than I normally care for, but it’s still nothing more than chili powder, and there are kids along the border who would eat the unused FN303 ammunition like it was candy.

Becoming a Border Patrol agent is an exceptionally desperate career choice. They are given 19 weeks of training at the CBP Border Patrol Academy in Artesia, New Mexico which qualifies them to start out as a GL-5 position making around $35,000 per year. For the math challenged that equates to around sixteen dollars an hour. They are subject to working large amounts of overtime, rotating shifts, temporary assignments to different areas without notice and permanent reassignments to any duty location at the discretion of their supervisors. They routinely patrol isolated areas of the border by themselves without the benefit of any backup and if the shit hits the proverbial fan, it may take hours to get any sort of help. If a Border Patrol Agent is forced to defend his or her life they can pretty much count on not getting any support from their superiors should they be lucky enough to survive. Federal prosecutors will offer immunity from criminal prosecution, American citizenship and Social Security benefits to the illegal aliens that attacked them in exchange for fabricated allegations of their insane behavior. Evidence supporting the agent’s need to resort to deadly force in their own defense will be routinely suppressed in court and every attempt will be made to make the criminals who assaulted them look like the most credible and docile human beings on the planet. As law enforcement careers go, the Border Patrol is obviously at the bottom of the heap. The Los Angeles Police Department starts their rookies out at nearly $55 thousand a year after eight months in the police academy. The benefits are just as good, if not better than the Border Patrol, you don’t have to worry about getting thrown to the wolves without assistance or backup in case things go bad, and you can defend yourself appropriately without having the Mexican government calling for your immediate execution. Being a cop in Los Angeles may not be nearly as sweet a deal as being a crooked politician in Washington but it sure as hell beats being a human target for border scum, which, when you get right down to it, is all the Border Patrol really amounts to at this point in time.

By the way - The Mexican government has officially condemned the Border Patrol’s intention to use the FN303 on illegal aliens and I tend to agree with them on this one; a well trained Border Patrol agent with a Remington 700 rifle and a decent 10 x 42 scope would be much more effective at repelling the criminal invaders crossing our southern border.
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