Thread: An imaginary Bush-Fox telephone call

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An imaginary Bush-Fox telephone call
March 28, 2005
..
Ring ring, ring ring.
•President Vicente Fox (VF): Hello, George. This is your amigo, Vicente.

• U.S. President George W. Bush (GB): Who?

• VF: It is me, Vicente, your southern neighbor, the one who likes horses, and boots, and tacky big belt buckles, just like you! By the way , why did you invite Prime Minister Paul Martin to “our meeting� in Texas? He is sooo boring! I bet you Paul does not know the difference between a mare and a stallion. I want a horse photo-op. Paul can ride a pony as far as I am concerned.

•GB: Vicente, Vicente, jealously is so unbecoming for the leader of the ninth economy, or is Mexico now the eleventh economy in the world? The advantage of working with the Canadians is that at least they are dependable. You and the rest of the Mexican political class are certifiably crazy and unpredictable. In fact, I wanted to suggest a good psychologist for you and your Cabinet membership.

• VF: Hey hey hey cowboy, at least we make our own “nutty� decisions. But I do have to share this recurring fantasy with you: I can’t stop thinking about November 30, 2006, my last day on the job, me and my wife Martha are on our palomino horses, riding towards the sunset, heading back to my ranch in Guanajuato. Martita must be as excited as I am!

•GB: That is enough Vicente. I am telling you, you all need a good therapist.. Come on Vicente, wake up! Do you really think Marta will hang out in a ranch the rest of her life? Unless Mexico City is the biggest ranch on the planet!

But you know, something even stranger than your fantasy was this year’s reaction by Mexico's possible presidential candidates to the United States’ obnoxious yearly reporting on human rights, border security and the war on drugs. At least you, Vicente, had a normal reaction which was to lash out, accuse Washington of not having the “moral authorityâ€? to point the finger at any country. But then you took a more conciliatory tone, heading out to the border to welcome turistas to Mexico. Meanwhile, your Secretary of the Interior and National Action partymate Santiago Creel tried to go back in history, using 1970's anti-yankee rhetoric that would have made former President EcheverrÃÂ*a sound like a diplomat.

But I have to say that the scariest reaction of all was by Andrés Manuel López Obrador, who basically encouraged everyone to “listen to what the United States has to say.� You have to agree with me, my dear Vicente, that this is nutty. Santiago Creel, the potential presidential candidate from the right, speaking like Fidel Castro while Andrés Manuel, Chávez-wannabe and potential candidate from the left, loves me! Like I said before, you all are crazy!

•VF: My dear dear Jorge, Mexican politicians are not having a nervous breakdown. The problem is we are in the middle of presidential campaigning. And we do not need a mental health care expert, rather, we urgently need political advisers. In fact, one of the reasons I was calling you is that I need to borrow Karl Rove, the brain behind all your political triumphs.

•GB: Now you really have gone batty Vicente. Lend you Karl Rove? The answer is a thousand times no.

•VF: Well if you do not lend me Karl Rove, the next time you sit down to chat with a Mexican President, you may be meeting with López Obrador. No matter what we do, this guy is unstoppable. I still can not figure out why the desafuero process has been such a disaster. How can Andrés Manuel be benefiting from a political debate in Congress that could end up with him losing his immunity and having to face possible criminal charges?

•GB: You should have learned from President Clinton's impeachment process, Vicente. There was all kind of physical evidence against Bill that showed he had pizza and much more with Monica Lewinsky in my Oval Office. And he got off! If you are too heavy handed against your political enemies, you end up turning them into martyrs.

•VF: Yeah right George, I am sure John Kerry agrees with you! Anyway, I need to ask you for another favor. Santiago Creel wants to show up to our meeting in Texas dressed as a charro, which is a Mexican cowboy wearing really tight pants. He thinks this will help his sex symbol image and improve his poll numbers with the women vote in Mexico.

Not only that, but my lovely First Lady Martha wants to show up dressed in a colorful indigenous garb. She needs to drop her capitalist Chanel look and change it for a politically correct-yet boring and ill-fitting indigenous look, especially since her most likely competition for the Mayor of Mexico City will be Beatriz Paredes who is very popular thanks to the mu-mu indigenous bathrobes she wears.

•GB: Darn it, Vicente! Now I can see that you do indeed have an emergency on your hands. On second thought, I'm putting Karl Rove on the next plane to Mexico.

hee-haw!

Hee heee hee .. Butterbean, where did you find this?

Is there a link .. if so, please provide it. If you are the author, please take credit and step up to the plate for roaring applause!

Originally Posted by watchman

Hee heee hee .. Butterbean, where did you find this?

Is there a link .. if so, please provide it. If you are the author, please take credit and step up to the plate for roaring applause!

I went back and added the address. I wish I had the time to write stuff that funny.

Originally Posted by butterbean

Originally Posted by watchman

Hee heee hee .. Butterbean, where did you find this?

Is there a link .. if so, please provide it. If you are the author, please take credit and step up to the plate for roaring applause!

I went back and added the address. I wish I had the time to write stuff that funny.

Thanks .. I adjusted your link because it was making the text stretch across the screen.

It now says "Link to original article" and a click on same will take you to the same location.

Thanks for the humor!