NATIONAL CRYING TOWEL SHORTAGE

by Silvia La Raza
JACKASS NEWS STAFF EDITORIAL

June 29, 2006

BEJING - With the mass outpouring of symathy for the plight of America's beloved, hard working, and decent undocumented immigrants, orders for crying towels have exceed China's factory capacity. All across the US, Americans are staying awake crying all night in sympathy for undocumented immigrants who are in fear of ICE, in fear of the Border Patrol. Corporate CEOs are literally crying in their boardrooms - crying with worry about their dear, undocumented employees.

REMEDIES ARE COMING - Chinese crying towel factories are ramping up production by mobilizing their child labor forces,. "The way the Americans are treating their undocumented citizens is a disgrace!" We expect to increase our production sufficiently to meet all future crying towel demands in just a few weeks," said one Chinese industry insider. "We are rushing production to meet the deadline for America's national CRY-IN demonstration, scheduled for next month," explained another Chinese executive.

TEXTILE TABOOS - Since textile manufacturing is illegal in the US, Chinese crying towel factory executives have called upon NAFTA and CAFTA to build crying towel factories outside the US. The NAFTA highway will be used to rapidly bring these crying towels to America's heartland.

ENVIRONMENTAL CONCERNS - Increased crying (over the plight of America's poor, mistreated, undocumented migrants) has actually increased the salinity in the water table. Increased salty water is placing an unanticipated stress upon all plant life.

CONGRESSIONAL CONCERNS - To meet the demands of crying Americans, Senator Kennedy has called for unconditional full amnesty and immediate citizenship for every Mexican, a complete opening of the Mexican border, and diplomatic recognition for AZTLAN. The Senate has called for funding for the MS-13 organization to supervise the dismantling of the border. "Every American should be ashamed of the way they treat these fine, hardworking, decent future citizens," commented another senator, "America must reckon with the underlying causes of this crying towel shortage!"