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Suggestion To President Bush: Deputize The Boy Scouts And Send THEM To The Mexican Border!

By Doug Wrenn
January 20, 2006
In the early years of the Civil War, an exasperated President Lincoln sarcastically asked his overly cautious General McClellan, “If you aren’t going to use the Army, may I borrow it for a while?� In a report released this week from our alleged “Homeland Security� Agency, Mexican Army troops have crossed the border into the US and fired on our Border Patrol Agents in 216 known incidents since 1996. That time period encompasses both the Clinton and Bush administrations. At this time, it is a moot point to complain about “Teflon Bill.� We had our chance to get rid of him, and we blew it. We can at least find solace in knowing that he is now out of office. Now, we have to concern ourselves with the current chief executive, still doing us harm. Considering that President Bush is currently enjoying warrantless wiretap ability, carte blanche, it is hard to swallow that the Commander in Chief didn’t have the inside skinny on the ongoing fireworks down at the Rio Grande. I also find it hard to believe that his Gazpacho-eating gumbah across the border, Mexican President Vicente Fox, cannot account for what his troops are, or do, in the northern tier of his country. After all, he has many of them deployed in position on his southern border, quelling any potential illegal immigration problems from Guatemala. (Gee, I wonder if Guatemalans call Mexicans racists!�)


I recall back in the day, when I was a rookie Corrections Officer, full of spit and vinegar, a fire and a fight both simultaneously broke out in one of the “cages.� As I saw two senior officers run into the fracas, I followed, but not before thinking to first pluck a fire extinguisher off the wall. When the whole mess was straightened out, one officer, with a particularly wry sense of humor, later noted that the fire extinguisher I grabbed was expired. This guy normally chewed up and spit out rookies for lunch, but was thankful that I had his back and simply quipped, “That’s OK. Unlike some of the guys around here, at least you know that when you don’t know what to do…DO SOMETHING!� I was shocked to be complimented by this guy, as left-handed as the compliment was. President Bush should consider that same profound advice, “If you don’t know what to do…DO SOMETHING!� I don’t care what. Deputize, arm and dispatch a Boy Scout troop to the border if our resources are that thin, but for crying out loud, do something!


Forget about all the loopy, pie-in-the-sky, unconstitutional, fluffy, liberal, social engineering, knee-jerk, bureaucratic, pork programs that cost more than they produce. The first obligation of our government is to protect the American people. Nine years of what have literally been violent invasions by armed troops of a foreign country is unacceptable. We crucified Bill Clinton for treating terrorism as a law enforcement function instead of a military function, but even he did something, even if it was just to blow all the aspirin in the Middle East to Kingdom Come, and give our adversaries genuine “headaches.� (To paraphrase a Steve Martin movie line, “Somebody really hates these pills!)


The last bill to increase the number of our brave but beleaguered Border Patrol contingent was slashed dramatically by time it became law. Now, people are whining over the proposed fence to be built on the border. It’s bad enough that we have to deal with the millions of illegal immigrants taking over our country, now they have Mexican soldiers providing cover for them. I have always been vehemently opposed to putting troops on our border. Soldiers are not cops. They are not trained like cops, they don’t think like cops, or act like cops. Now, I will concede that while the Border Patrol needs to be dramatically increased, we also now need to deploy regular Army, not National Guard, on our border with Mexico, and not for a law enforcement function, but for a military function. The Border Patrol should continue to concentrate on catching illegal immigrants, but our Army should repel the Mexican Army, and that should be the sole purpose of soldiers on our border, to back up, not to replace, the Border Patrol.


Supposedly, drug dealers, using the troops to escort and provide cover for the illegals, smuggling dope over the border, are paying off the Mexican troops. Mexican government officials claim that these people are simply impostors with Mexican Army uniforms, but I heard on the radio just today, that in one recent incident, nine such soldiers were caught, their credentials verified, and our State Department ordered them released to Mexico, even with their guns. I, at least, would have kept their guns and vehicles, and sent the desperados on a nice long march, back through the desert, and over the Rio Grande. For that matter, I don’t care if these “soldiers� are impostors or not. They are invading our country and shooting at our law enforcement personnel. Pull a fake gun on a convenience store clerk at 11:00 at night, and you’ll get a register drawer full of money, no questions asked. Pull that same fake gun suddenly on a cop, and you’ll get shot, no questions asked. I don’t care if these thugs are playing Trick Or Treat, or Cinco de Mayo, off them! If they want to look like soldiers, then they can die like soldiers! That’s what happens when you bring a piñata to a gunfight!


I fully support President Bush on his action in Afghanistan and Iraq, but fighting a tough war on terror while knowingly allowing another country to invade and attack our nation with impunity makes about as much sense to me as rolling up the windows of a convertible in a rainstorm, but leaving the roof down. It’s lunacy. And here’s another word for it: TREASON! Some responses should be instinctive. If I am hungry, I eat. If I am thirsty, I drink. If I am tired, I rest. If I am attacked, I fight back, and so does just about any other country on the globe with any semblance of an army, militia, police department, or for that matter, slingshots, spears and rocks. When a foreign nation invades with armed troops, be they rogue, or official, you don’t have a conference call and take a vote. You mow them down expeditiously, and with zeal! This isn’t diplomacy, but it isn’t rocket science either. It’s about what you could call the three S’s: “Security, Sovereignty, and Survival.� The fact that this President, as well as the inept, impotent, in-the-tank, talking head, political hack, empty-suit, marionette dolls that he calls his cabinet, has allowed this invasion to happen, especially for as long as it has been on-going, is nothing short of criminal.


I want my country back. I want the old United States back, the one that was confident, brave, strong, gallant, and determined, not the one we have now, wilted, quivering, bruised, whimpering, yet, collegial, understanding, and sensitive. Our “new “ country is in desperate need of testosterone injections and a spinal implant. I want a real leader, one who unabashedly defends patriots and carnivorously annihilates the enemy, not one who placates the enemy and castigates real patriots, doing the job that our government refuses to do, and calling them “vigilantes.� I couldn’t care less if my nation’s leader is dysfunctional in oratory skills, but he better have a keen grasp of geography. I am sick and tired of “Red White and Blue� symbolizing “Blood, Surrender and Depression.�


We don’t need to have a better strategy to address this problem. We need to actually have a strategy to address this problem. Here is one suggestion: First, send the Army to the border with artillery, to either kill or repel the invading Mexican “troops�. I don’t care if they go to Hell or to Mexico, as long as they are out of here. Then send in the Army Corps of Engineers, and build that wall. Then assemble the Congress, and have it dispatch the Sergeant-at-Arms into the Oval Office with written notice to serve, impeach, convict, and remove the traitor, George W. Bush! Then escort him off the White House grounds, and send him back home to Texas to live, back in the real world that he is so obviously out of touch with, the world that he helped create with the unchecked influx of his favorite people, and no, I don’t mean Americans. Finally, when that is all done, and our national distress call is finally over, someone please, let me know as soon as possible. I would very much like to fly Old Glory right side up once again.