http://www.dailynews.com/entertainment/ci_3422481

The care, feeding of a nanny search


Q: My husband and I both come from English-speaking homes. However, we both majored in Spanish in college (we met while studying abroad in Mexico), so we are both conversationally fluent.
We recently put an ad in the newspaper for a nanny for our 1-year-old. In the ad we stated "Spanish-only OK," because we live in an area with many Spanish speakers and because we welcome any opportunity to expose our son to other languages - especially Spanish.

The next day a woman called about our ad, and she seemed perfect. She spoke to me in Spanish, so I responded in kind. I did not think to mention that we were not a native Spanish-speaking family. She showed up the next day to meet our son. As soon as she arrived, she was upset. She said, "I thought you were a Latino family. I do not work for white families," and walked out before I could say anything else to her.

I feel awful that this happened. Was it wrong for me to speak to her in Spanish without explaining that it is not our first language? If so, how could I have brought it up without seeming rude? I really was trying to be polite, not patronizing. I don't know what I did wrong.

LILY: You didn't do anything wrong. Many Latinos are uneasy working for white families. Why? I'm not sure. But it's definitely not your fault.

I think the bottom line is the quality of care you're seeking for your son. If this woman passed up the job for any reason, then she obviously was not the right person for it.

I applaud you and your husband for wanting to expose your child to another language and culture. Don't let this experience leave a bitter taste in your mouth.

CATHERINE: Welcome to the world of "everyone has issues." There is no telling what kind of experience this woman has had working for white families.

I'm sorry you had to receive this Latino rebuff, but please understand that she has the problem, not you. I echo Lily's applause to you for enriching your own life and the life of your child with the wonderful Spanish language.

DANNY: This is a classic example of how discrimination can flow in any direction.

This also is a wonderful opportunity for you to develop a line of questioning for a proper phone screening. Your questions should determine attitudes and behaviors on issues and circumstances important to you, as well as set parameters establishing desirability for a face-to-face meeting.

Consider this experience a blessing in disguise. You wouldn't want such a shallow person helping to raise your son anyway.

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