Thread: Resume Humor Fact or Fiction

Resume - George W. Bush
6-21-6
Resume

GEORGE W. BUSH 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington , DC 20520

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE

LAW ENFORCEMENT

I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine , in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.

MILITARY

I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam

COLLEGE

I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland , Texas , in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas . The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry, including Enron CEO Ken Lay, I was elected governor of Texas .

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS

I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union .

During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.

With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida , and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT

I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.

In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, had a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President. I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution.

More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip- offs in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.

I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.

I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S . "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families-in-wartime.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.

I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD. I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden [sic] to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. I am a member of the Republican Party.


PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN THE 2006 MIDTERM ELECTIONS. PLEASE SEND THIS TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW.
He forgot the Illegal Alien issue
HE FORGOT TO TELL HOW HE'S GIVEN OUR COUNTRY AWAY AND HOW HE'S IN THE BED WITH THE ENEMY

SOUNDS TRUE TO ME

And, he forgot to say he's got most democrats on his side as well.

He forgot the SPP, NASCO, TCC, NAFTA, CAFTA,
the tanking of the US dollar, that countries that used to are now 'diversifying' and NOT buying our Treasury Bonds. Didn't I read somewhere here, an article that says that he has signed more 'executive orders and agreements' than any President in history, thus not going through the mandated checks and balances?

AND THAT HE DOESN'T LISTEN TO THE CITIZENS OF THE USA?


Now, what have I forgotten?

I KNOW WHAT YOU FORGOT

OUR CONSTITUTION!!!!!!!! ain't gonna tell what he calls that

AND DON'T FORGET ONE IMPORTANT THING......HIS BEST FEATURE........

HOW HE LIES!!!!!!!

Let's see..........anything else?
Help us out folks............hopefully it won't be long before he'll be needing this resume

Yep, Ruth,

Although the Constitution runs through most of the post, it's so important, IMO it should be listed separately.

Could a corollary be treason. Ya know, aiding and abetting the enemy?

Oh yeah...........his acting skills.........we can't forget those.
Remember how good he "hid" his shock when Andy Card went into that classroom and told him that 2nd plane had hit and that we were under attack? He REALLY HID THAT GOOD. Don't you agree?

Right, ACTING SKILLS. I'm thinking more about the ability to talk to our troops with a straight face about fighting the terrorists, then turning around, and giving a recent speech in which he said, again with a straight face, our border security is 'URGENT' in 2006.....yet making sure we have no borders. AMAZING ABILITY. Oscar or Emmy award level acting. For sure!


admin....we need a MUCH bigger sarcastic emoticon!! Really we do!

Ruthiela must not leave out the Katrina catastrophe and the needless deaths that occurred due to his inaction.

Oh Ismith,

Right, INCOMPETENCE! Of course!

Oh dear, on second thought, he's REALLY COMPETENT at selling out our country.

So help me with this!

Another great skill of his...............Selling
Selling us down the river
OH IS HE EVER GOOD AT THAT

Great minds, Ruth,

Look at our post times.... and we both got Selling!

Thank goodness for a little humor break!!!!