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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2013

    CNNís Piers Morgan to be replaced by organ grinder chimpanzee

    CNNís Piers Morgan to be replaced by organ grinder chimpanzee

    Posted by Eric Golub on Feb 23, 2014

    The opinion news world became a less toxic place with the announcement that Piers Morgan was being fired from CNN. When one is not successful enough to keep a job at the least popular news network, it is time to be treated like a horse heading toward the glue factory.

    CNN assured viewers that despite canceling Piers Morgan, his show will be replaced with an equally boring, biased program. CNNís commitment to being a low rated network will not change.

    As of this moment, chimpanzees rendered unemployed due to the downturn in the organ grinder business will be applying to replace Morgan. The most talented of the simians will immediately be disqualified. The new host, whether man or ape, must possess the ability to be preachy, smug, uninformed and wrong simultaneously. They must also constantly criticize the United States and attack the US Constitution, especially the second Amendment.

    Failed NBC Executive Jeff Zucker is currently accepting resumes from the least among us. Those excelling in delivering straight hard news without liberally slanted opinions need not apply.

    Morgan, a D-List celebrity until rescued from relative anonymity by Donald Trump, is expected to return back to obscurity. His publicist has not commented on rumors that Morgan will bring everything full circle by auditioning to be an organ grinder monkey himself. His dancing skills are unknown at this time.

    In an attempt to resuscitate himself among liberals and return to television, Morganís options include turning to alcohol and drugs before beginning a heroic public rehab stint, or declaring himself gay and demanding to marry any man except Alec Baldwin.


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Please Donít Send Piers Morgan Back To The UKÖWe Donít Want Him Either!

    Lizzie Bennett
    Underground Medic
    February 24th, 2014

    Morgan says he is in discussions about future projects at CNN. Image: AP Iíll keep it short and to the point. You can have Piers Morgan, we donít want him. We had the insufferable idiot for years, it seems only fair that somebody else takes a turn.
    From the BBC:
    Piers Morganís prime-time talk show on US TV network CNN is to end.
    The former Daily Mirror editor told The New York Times it had been ďa painful periodĒ for the show, which has suffered lacklustre ratings.
    CNNís audience had tired of hearing a Briton weigh in on American cultural issues, he said.
    Mr Morgan said he was in discussions with CNN about a new role at the channel following the end of the show, probably in March.
    See, heís in discussion with CNN, itís only right that he doesnít increase his carbon footprint by flying back and forth across the Atlantic.
    Pleeeesssseeeeee keep him.
    A thought: Could we send him to the Hague? His show was so bad it could be considered a crime against humanity.
    Take Care
    Delivered by The Daily Sheeple

    Contributed by Lizzie Bennett of Underground Medic.
    Lizzie Bennett retired from her job as a senior operating department practitioner in the UK earlier this year. Her field was trauma and accident and emergency and she has served on major catastrophe teams around the UK. Lizzie publishes Underground Medic on the topic of preparedness.

    - See more at:

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