Patient meeting with his Death Panel counselor

DEATH PANEL 2025

By P.J. Gladnick
Sunday, August 16, 2009

(It is the year 2025. Although the health care Death Panel that was supposed to have never existed was removed in August 2009, the final bill that passed had an overlooked fine print footnote on page 762 that not only authorized such a Death Panel but made it mandatory complete with a large supporting bureaucracy. Here is a scene of a patient meeting with his Death Panel counselor.)

PATIENT: Hi! I’m here to…

COUNSELOR: YOU DIE!!!

PATIENT: Huh?

COUNSELOR: Sorry. I’m getting a little ahead of myself. So go ahead and justify why we need to waste a dime on your pathetic little life.

PATIENT: Well, I have been told that I urgently need a pacemaker implant.

COUNSELOR: Do you know how expensive pacemakers are?

PATIENT: No but…

COUNSELOR (interrupting): Capricorn 15’s. Born 2244. Enter the Carousel. This is the time of renewal.

PATIENT: What?

COUNSELOR: I was just quoting from “Logan’s Run.â€