Thread: The Jackass Whisperer

Well it had been a long six months and I had about all I could stand. I figured it was time to pay a visit on ole Doc.

I arrived down at Doc's farm and found him in the barn puttin' the yokes on a pair of Jackasses. Perfect timing. I hollered out, "Howdy Doc, how the heck ya doin'? He looked up and over my way and replied, "Well howdy sonny, come on in and tell me all bouts the weather, and hows yer daddy doin'? "Well daddy is doin well, said he is gonna see ya in a couple a days, somethin' bout shoein a mule or somethin' of the sort. Asfer the weather, well thats what I was a hopein' ya had a handle on that." "Well hells' bells sonny, weather aint' been nothing but sunshine here," he snorted, spit some bacca juice out, and said, "heck I aint' gonna put up wid any cloudy weather down this end of the holler. Whats on yer mind?"

Just like Doc, quick to cut right to the chase. "Well Doc, everybody in the county knows that if ya got a problem with a jackass, well, yer the fella to see." I replied. He chuckled a bit, then asked, "Youins' got a problem with a jackass?" I then asked him, "Well Doc, you have worked with jackasses all of yer life, or long time anyway. How the heck do ya get a stubern jackass do what you want?" Docs eyes beamed right in on me for a second, then he looked around the barn, then back at me and said, " Well sonny, I'll let ya in on somthin' but, ya gotta keep to yer self. I don't want all of the world to knows my secret!" Then he smiled and let out a chuckle. He waved me over to where he was, next to his pair of Kentucky jackasses. He then told me,"Sonny, I learned this a long time ago. If ya want to get on the right side of a stubern jackass ya gotta talk to it right. I had busted many a good two by fer over the hard heads of stubern jackasses, and all that did was agravate me. They have hard heads and its just a waste of good wood." He laughed a bit then told me his secret. "You gotta whisper in their ear, like this, with a melodic tone jist say, Yes we can, Yes we can, Yes we can. Then ya can get a jackass to do whatever ya want!" "Thats it?" I said. Doc stared at me and then said, "Well it worked for the commie we got in the White House now. How the heck do ya think he got so many jackasses to follow him?"

Well I left Doc's place and headed back to the house. On the way back I knew I could not whisper into all of the jackass' ears all around the country, so I decide to write a poem with a melodic tone.

This poem is dedicated to all of those jackasses that suffer from Wonder Boy Derangement Syndrome. I hope that you will hang this on your mirror in the bathroom and when you get done brushing your teeth in the morning you could read this to yourself in a soft melodic tone. Hopefully after several months you will notice that you are on the road to recovery.

The Grand Illusion

Ladies and Gentlemen, gather round,
all small feats revealed profound.
In the end, should you see,
a word, no more no less, stings like a bee.
Ears are weak, eyes decieve,
most will follow, most believe.
Young idiots love me, killing babies,
Notre Dame, Rev. Wright, somebody save me.
Scuttle the airways, dim the lights,
follow them all, into the night.
Men at the top, some below,
Hollywood will help, put on the show.
Gaze and gander, mix with candor,
Some are meek, and some will slander.
Given a little, steal alot,
when it is counted, move one dot.
Men of stature, men of needs,
both sow grains, both sow weeds.
Buffet, Soros, both deep pockets,
stock market crashes, deficiet rockets.
Second-rate con man, butts been sold,
chains that bind me, this time gold.
Money supply has doubled, housing cut in half,
Inflation is coming, all worship the golden calf.
Divide and conquer, tactics from the book,
Ted Kennedy and illegals, Amnesty on the hook.
Liberals got Change, they said it is about time,
Wall St. bankers got their hands out, Bro, spare a dime?
Energy is still a problem, bow to the King,
Slip into my pocket, lots of bling-bling.
Wonder Boy and wonder men,
gather crowds, Yes we can!
Bait a race, watch others chase,
guilt abounds, will heal disgrace.
Line by line, all the same,
Find the middle, know my name.
Start with an L, end with e,
Wonder Boy's proper, not you, not me.

I am a.......................

Here is another poem for all of the recovering liberals and those yet to recover. Hope this brings some cheer.

Liberal Bliss or just amiss?

Here I sit too think and ponder,
gaze at hills both near and yonder,
stary eyed and gleeful thinking,
damn that Kool-Aid I've been drinking!

Howdy Doc, I hollered as I approached the barn. "Howdy Sonny, hows ya doin?" Fair to middlin, Doc. Hey yous was right about that fellar in the White House. "Well hells bells Sonny, That wadint to hardin to figar out. Whats on yer mine thar boy?" Well Doc, I has bin tryin to figar out jus what the heck inflation means to money? "You has, has ya?" said Doc. Wells boy youins got a grade school edumacation, right?" Well yous know I does Doc. "Well I is busy right now cant ya see? Go talk to ya Daddy, and tell him I's wanna see him after Sunday services, ya hear." OK Doc. "Now ya ask your Daddy jus what infaltion is, he'll straighten ya out."

Threw the woods and across the crick, I wondered why Doc was so short wit me. Oh well.

Daddy was in the orchard when I got back to the farm. Daddy, I was just down at Doc's and he told me to tell ya Howdy-do, and that he wanta he see ya after church, Sunday. "Well whatcha doin over there botherin Doc fer, Sonny?" Well I was a wonderin what inflation meant to money Daddy, Doc told me to ask youins what it meant. "He did, did he? Well Sonny sit down, and I'll tell ya. Here, tell me who owns this here note?" Daddy pulled a dollar bill outa his pocket, I looked it over, and thought he was tryin to fool me wid a trick question. "Well. He said, Who owns that dollar note?" I said, well Daddy youins own this note. Youins jus pulled it outa yer pocket. "No Sonny, read the note, whoins note is it?" he asked again. Well it says Federal Reserve Note right on the top. "Thats right Sonny. That note is property of the Federal Reserve. They own that note. They just lettin me use it. Jackasses then wanna charge me money to use it, as long as I holdin on to it, theys chargin me a little money." Hows that Daddy? Well listin up. Here." he said as he pulled outa his pocket a silver dollar and a gold coin. "This is real money son. See here,....If you a hold this here gold coin, and I set the price today, I set the standard as to what it is worth. I say it is worth $100 today, That is the standard, OK. Now here is a $100 note. Hold both of em fer say 30 years, %3 inflation per year, gitit? Now 30 years from now the $100 note is now worth $10, cause 30 years times %3 inflation per year and that would devalue the note by %90. The gold is still worth the same honest value, now worth more in funny money. So ya see son, those jackasses charge ya to hold onto and use there notes. See what ever ya own they is layin claim to with thar funny money they are always robbin ya of what ya thought was yer money. It was thars all the time. Youins jus thought it was yours. Get it?"

That son is why I save real moneys and spend the funny money on bills and livin. Donts want thar funny money, get it?

Yes sir. Darn Daddy, howd ya figar all of thats out wid a second grade edumacation? "I's mite be a hilly billy son, but this herein hill billy wasnt born yeserday!"

Yee-Haw! Glads I is down on the farm!

Meanwhile down in the backwoods on a dirt road that leads back into Jackass Holler we find Sonny paying a visit on Doc.

Howdy Doc, howdy Bubba, hows ya all doin?

"Well fair to midlin', Sonny."says Doc. "Heck' says Bubba, "Doin perty good here Sonny, caught a possum last night, done skined em out and Momma is inside cookin up some possum stew,.......ya hungry?" Well any biskits served with that stew? "Ya bet, ...gotta have em to soak up that gravy, right?"

Whats wrong Doc? Ya look a little long in the face. "Well just got a letter here from my cousin Jed down in Uncertain, TX. His cousin's boy met a girl in the big city. From Texarkana. She is a lawyer,.... and well he brought her back into the bayou and seems to be causin trouble." Darn the luck Doc. Daddy always told me ifins I was to ever get involved wid a banker, lawyer, or politician, that he would disown me and run me outa the holler.

"Well ya know why dont ya?" Well Daddy always said theys create trouble.

"Thats right,........ put all of them together and ya gots a heap a big trouble, one will poke ya in the eye wid a stick, one will beat ya over the head wid a 2X4, and one will stomp on yer foot. Then ya end up wid a patch on one eye, a lump on yer head, and walkin around wid a limp. Then ya are at a disadvantage." Yeppers, Doc,.....Daddy has a picture of a woman hangin in the barn,...she is a lawyer and a politician,.....Daddy says her name is Janet Reno and she is big trouble, she could huff and puff and burn yer house down.

"Well gather round boys, I gonna tell ya bout a scheme that most leave alone wid little thought. Ya both understand how after 30 yrs with 3-1/2% inflation per year a hundred dollar note is bout worthless. Well here is another way Americans are robbed and they dont even think bout it. Social security is a way to rob folks. Bubba,.....ya gonna play the role of employer, Sonny youins gonna be the employee,.....and Is gonna be the G-Man, got it? Well Sonny we is gonna say that youis gonna pay $100 into your social security account, that represents 7-1/2% of your weekly pay, Bubba your employer will match that. Got it? Now ya got $200 goin into your account. After 30 years wid 3-1/2% inflation $100 of that $200 is now worthless, inflation has ate it up. So while ya was thinking that ya was savin $200 for retirement, ya end up with half that much. The government took half. Ya see it is a tax scam for the workin class. If ya was a man that did not pay into that and bought T-Bills, then the government can take some of your money and pay the interest on his T-Bills, He is ahead of you by atleast 50% at the end of 30yrs. Money was transferred from you to him. You held dollars in an account that was left to the forces of inflation, he was investing in government bonds that keept up wid inflation, ya paid the interest on his bonds. Now howda ya think the health care funds will be managed? Damn con-men are all around."

Nice rural words of wisdom. Stories have a way of conveying a message that is very important, yet without the boredom of the technicallities of proper teaching.

I will say one thing for ya' pardner, yawl really got a good grip on how the funny money works now! Speadin' the knowledge can present a problem though, unless the folks you're talkin' with really want to know what's goin' on, and they and everybody else from sea to shining sea is so bad off.

Thanks Hylander. Is it easy enough to follow? My humor I think at times is a little twisted or off, but heck I've been a little off all my life. Yet I can't help but to think that there is a little of Sonny and Bubba in each of us. Want some possum stew?

Originally Posted by roundabout

Thanks Hylander. Is it easy enough to follow? My humor I think at times is a little twisted or off, but heck I've been a little off all my life. Yet I can't help but to think that there is a little of Sonny and Bubba in each of us. Want some possum stew?

Easy as a treasure map to follow thar good buddy.

Better Sonny and Bubba, than Sonny and Cher

Possum stew sounds real good today! Havin' venison stew actually tonight. Actually I got me a possum that keeps eating my deer corn for the yearlings I been helpin', since momma got hit by a car a couple months ago, and this sap-sucker is the biggest possum I dun ever see'd! I just keep the old axe and shovel handy for 'em, sinse they don't move too quick like. Wouldn't mind a couple of them big fat 'coons that keep tormentin' my lab in the evening.

Hey Highander, once in a while ( ) I like to throw cowpies at the side of the barn to see if they stick. I have deduced from those various pitches that a fresh cow pie like a fresh idea sticks to the side of the barn moreso than an old stale cow pie. This is of course a rednecked hillbilly way of learning and searching for wisdom, yet it is not that bad in the long run. After a long day of seeking wisdom Confucious settled down for a bowl of rice. Atleast the rednecked hillbilly, after a tough day of throwing cow pies can rely on a bowl of possum stew. (deer stew can make for a great substitute if you fresh out of possum.)

With that, Social Security is just a rip off, as inflation eats it up. One wonders why the money going into the SS accounts are not used to but T-Bills as oppossed to countries such as China or others buying our debt. That way the account would or could keep up with inflation and or surpass it.

After reading the cow pie and how it was dripping and sliding down the side of the barn, I could not help but run with the transference of wealth favoring others that would make more use of the wealth. (So some would see it as this way)

Upon further examination (gonna try tea leaves some day ) this fiat currency is a dishonest form of money and one cannot expect much in the way of results from a system built upon sand. The inflationary dollar and its effects spread in every direction as far as the eye can see, sorta like the cow pie that went, "splat." The end result is sheer robbery of those that are unsuspecting.

Karl Marx was right,.... follow the money.

You gotta good grip on the situation.

Just tryin' to wrap your mind around the whole monetary mess initially is the tough part. Because of this dishonest system, I didn't do too well in economics 101 in highschool, as my whole point of debate is a structure that is built on a lie, and manipulation for the benefit of a few at the expense of the many. So I did not endear myself to the business and economics class teachers.

The basis for this system is complete chaos financially speaking for the value is based on the whim of a select few elites and what they want their bidding to unfold as.

This is why I believe a return to Constitutional money and prudent banking and investing on the part of the people would do more to cure our problems than the last 100 years of legislation has done.

While we both see it as a corupt monetary system, I tend to view, or perhaps I view it more sinister than yourself. I donot look at it as chaos. I view it as a centrally planned economy that understands the ends justifies the means. I view it as a mathematical formula. Math being an exact science. The system is built upon deception. It is dishonest. What will become of a lie? Lies are are meant for deception, deception to avoid the light of day. This is not only a battle for all of us, wether or not we are aware of the battle that is taken place, but this is a spiritual battle aswell.

The Social Security account is devalued by the eroding effects of inflation. This can be written as a mathematical equation I believe, thus the available funds to be pilfered can be a known value.

Inflation is recorded as approx. 3-1/2% per annum, lets rounded for the sake of a round outcome to 3.1% per annum, times 30 yrs, we come up with 99% loss due to inflation. At 20 yrs. 2/3 of erosion has occured. At 10 yrs from the time of "deposit" 1/3 of value has eroded.

Now 7 1/2% which represents our portion to SS, Medicare taken per pay period, this represents almost twice the rate of inflation. Our employer matches our contribution, this is also 7 1/2%. The portion we deposit is eroded by inflation at a half rate of deposit. The employers portion provides for deceptive cover for the inflationary effects on our contribution. This could be put into an algebraic formula,.....I think however my algebra is lacking.