Thread: Laugh Attacks

Laugh Attacks
Humorists' comments on politics and public affairs

"Things are not looking good for President Bush. His approval rating has dropped so low the only thing he's above now is the law."

"Fox News is now reporting that there are people in the CIA who are working against President Bush's policy by using incompetence. So, apparently they're fighting fire with fire."

"Things got a little testy (in the Senate all-nighter) at about four o'clock in the morning when a fight broke out between Sen. David Vitter and 89-year-old Sen. Robert Byrd over the last diaper."

"In Manchester, New Hampshire, former President Bill Clinton bashed President Bush as a leader that is out of touch. ... See, why can't we just combine President Bush and President Clinton, and get a leader who touches just the right amount."

"According to the latest reports, al-Qaida is increasing efforts to sneak into the United States. And they are getting pretty serious about it. I understand now they're learning Spanish."

-- Jay Leno
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"Hillary Clinton was at the Senate all night. And you know what that means ... the coast was clear for Bill."

"The Republicans were saying, `Pulling out the troops in 120 days would lead to chaos in Iraq.' And I'm thinking, `Well, chaos would be an improvement.'"

-- David Letterman
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"Sen. Hillary Clinton gave a speech at four in the morning. Apparently it was the first time Hillary gave a speech at four in the morning that didn't start with `Where the hell have you been?'"

"This week President Bush announced he's launching a new campaign to solve the conflict between the Israelis and the Palestinians. When asked why, Bush said, `It's fun to finally be working on a problem that I didn't cause.'"

"Nelson Mandela just announced that he is starting a group called The Elders that will be made up of retired global leaders who will tackle world conflicts. Mandela said The Elders will be like the Fantastic Four, but with bladder problems."

"According to a new AP poll, the most popular presidential candidate among registered Republicans is `none of the above.' At the moment, Rudy Giuliani is running third, just behind `Good Lord, not him.'"

-- Conan O'Brien

I heard one on Leno the other night that just made my day.

President Bush is having a Colonoscopy in the morning. Cheney will be standing in for the 3 hours that he is having the test. Bush's last Colonoscopy was 5 years ago and this is just routine.

You know what happened the last time Bush had a Colonoscopy? They found his head.