Thread: On a Lighter Note

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Dont worry its safe clean and Christmassy

Thats funny honey read this one I just got it today from Dad...


A short diary of office memo's

OFFICE Christmas Party Memo
From: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November 2007

Re: Office Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will
take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function
room at the Grill House.
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a
small band playing traditional carols. Please feel free to sing along. > Don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa
Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m. Exchange of gifts
among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be
over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a
special announcement at the Party.
I wish a M erry Christmas to you and your family.

Sincerely,
Pauline



FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November 2007

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which
often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our ' Holiday Party'. The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians.

There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We
will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Pauline


FROM : Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November 2007

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table: you didn't sign your name.
I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore! How am I
supposed to handle this? Somebody?!

Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now
since the Union
Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management
believe $10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline



FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November 2007

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th
begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and
drinking during daylight hours.

There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal
until the end of the party or else package everything up for you to take
home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've
arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert
buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other, lesbians do not have to sit
with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower
arrangements for t he gay men's table too. To the person asking
permission to cross-dress: no cross-dressing allowed. We will have
booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those
on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food, so we suggest
those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will
be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics. The restaurant cannot supply
"No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

Pauline


FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F******g Employees
DATE: 8th November 2007
RE: The F******g Holid ay Party

Vegetarian pricks: I've had it with you people! We're going to
keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you
can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you
so quaintly put it; you'll get your f******g salad bar, including
organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feelings too. They scream
when you slice them. Oh yes, I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
scream right NOW!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday. Drink, drive, and die!

The B***ch from H**L!!



FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 9th November 2007

RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy
recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our
Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd
December off with full pay.

hahahahahahaha ... both were good, thank you

These were sooooooooooooooooooooo needed. Thank you!