Thread: this is priceless!

Hi Guys! Back from our trip to Texas. It is good to be home! I am trying to catch up on emails and came across this one. This is great!


98 year old woman wrote this to her bank. The bank
manager thought it amusing enough to have it published
in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with
which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have
elapsed between his presenting the check and the
arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor
it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly
deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I
admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window
of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30
by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to
your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this
incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial
ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your
telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact
you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging,
pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has
become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a
flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments
will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic,
but will arrive at your bank by check, addressed
personally and confidentially to an employee at your
bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act
for any other person to open such an envelope. Please
find attached an Application Contact Status which I
require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that
I know as much about him or her as your bank knows
about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical
history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and
the mandatory details of his/her financial situation
(income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be
accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN
number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits
but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button
presses required of me to access my account balance
on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is
the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you
call me, press buttons as follows:
1-- To make an appointmen t to see me.
2-- To query a missing payment.
3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to
access my computer is required. A password will
be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the
contact will then be put on hold, pending the
attention of my automated answering service

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait,
uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must
also levy an establishment fee to cover the se tting
up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less
prosperous, New Year.

BEAUTIFUL!

That was great.

They use those minutes to manipulate your account to their benefit. I've had them talk circles around me concerning bank policy and exactly when a deposit is recorded or a check cashed. I will not do auto-deposit or auto-pay for anything. They are going to see my mug and deal with me.......