Thread: Thief who stole blast of freedom needs a whuppin'

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Scott Hollifield: Thief who stole blast of freedom needs a whuppin'

By SCOTT HOLLIFIELD
OPINION
Friday, July 7, 2006





I don’t publicly challenge people to fight me that often, but that is what I’m doing today. Somebody needs a butt-whuppin.’

Here goes: I will fight - no holds barred or Marquess of Queensbury rules - the person who stole the fireworks from the storage shed near the sewer plant in Old Fort, N.C. and forced this small town just down the road from me to cancel what Police Chief Melvin Lytle called "the only thing we have to look forward to."

Folks who gazed into the night sky in Old Fort on the Fourth expecting the traditional multicolored explosions saw nothing but a rogue bottle rocket or two.

A thief stole the show.

"It’s kind of disheartening that someone would do that, and they did it at the last minute, so we couldn’t get any to replace them,’’ Mayor Garland Norton said in a story the Associated Press circulated around the globe. "So we had to cancel it.’’

That heinous act of thievery is about as un-American as killing a bald eagle, wrapping it in a flag and setting it on fire with the original copy of the Declaration of Independence while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance in French.

To me, the Fourth is about freedom - freedom to eat and drink and parade and watch explosions in the sky, and someone stole Old Fort’s 250 pounds of professional-grade pyrotechnic freedom.

In my book (actually, it’s a library book I failed to return), that calls for a butt-whuppin’, and I volunteer to be the whupper (though I’m likely to be the whuppee since I possess few fighting skills beyond bleeding profusely upon my opponent).

What will someone do with 250 pounds of professional-grade pyrotechnic freedom? I don’t know, and the thief may not either. Thieves will take anything, at any time, for any reason.

They’ll steal secrets from Coke, they’ll steal laptops containing sensitive information on 26.5 million veterans and they’ll steal vacation pictures from Britney Spears and Kevin Federline.

In Omaha, someone stole a man’s electric wheelchair while he enjoyed that city’s fireworks. Larry Hinman left his Jazzy Jet 3 at home, and when he returned he found someone had driven it away.

"Now I have to depend on somebody else," Hinman told TV station WOWT.

In Columbia, Md., someone stole a 10-week old, 2-pound, orange and white hypoglycemic Pomeranian puppy from a pet store, according to WBAL-TV. There was no word on whether the suspects fled on a Jazzy Jet 3 electric wheelchair.

In Hazelton, Pa., someone stole a 10-foot wide, 2-foot deep children’s swimming pool from the residence of a single mother.

Her kids had sold snow cones for a week to help pay for the pool, the Standard-Speaker reported.

"Nothing is safe when a heavy thing like that can be stolen," the mom told the newspaper.

In Edinburgh, Scotland, someone stole a dozen rare fish from an estate’s pond, the BBC said.

Evidence suggests a ring of international fish thieves may be hiding its booty in a 10-foot wide, 2-foot deep children’s swimming pool.

In Dover Township, N.J., someone stole a 25-foot aluminum flagpole, according to the Asbury Park Press.

In Chicago, someone stole an American flag from a nun, NBC5 reported. (The flag was later returned to Sister Joan Korte with an unsigned note, but, as of this writing, the Dover Township pole remains at-large.)

So, there’s a lot of butt-whuppin’ to be done, but I’m only one man and I have to start with the most maddening theft closest to home.

Hey, person who stole Old Fort’s 250 pounds of professional-grade pyrotechnic freedom, come get you some (unless you’re a real big fella, and then I would just as soon the police handle it.)

Contact Scott at 652-3313, ext. 3401 or e-mail rhollifield@mcdowellnews.com.

It is getting beyond the beyond isn't it?

What will someone do with 250 pounds of professional-grade pyrotechnic freedom? I don’t know, and the thief may not either. Thieves will take anything, at any time, for any reason.

This would be mighty risky to set off. Has someone notified Homeland Security? That's a lot of powder.

Originally Posted by loservillelabor

What will someone do with 250 pounds of professional-grade pyrotechnic freedom? I don’t know, and the thief may not either. Thieves will take anything, at any time, for any reason.

This would be mighty risky to set off. Has someone notified Homeland Security? That's a lot of powder.

I dont know, I'd like to think they they have but who knows. It is shameful nontheless.