Thread: ¡Ask a Mexican! 1/25/07

http://www.dallasobserver.com/Issues/20 ... xican.html
From dallasobserver.com
Originally published by Dallas Observer 2007-01-25
©2005 New Times, Inc. All rights reserved.

¡Ask a Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano




Who / What:
Immigration
forgery
Mexican culture

Dear Mexican,
This November, a trusted employee of mine came out about his status as an illegal immigrant. Our big-box retail conglomerate's policy clearly spells out the termination of my employment should I fail to report such an offense, but I love the mojado to death. He's loyal, punctual and works all the hours I can provide him. Plus, he's 60 years old, been in Colorado for 10 years and worked at our company for seven. I want to keep my job, get him U.S. citizenship or permanent residency and retain him as an employee—IN THAT ORDER. Isn't our cookie-cutter legal system set up such that I can simply pay a lawyer to find a judge who'll confer citizenship on the man? Or should I shut my mouth, run business as usual and wait for his illegitimacy and falsified documents to catch up when he's muy, muy viejo?

—¡Ayudame, Por Favor!

Dear Help Me, Please,

Don't doubt the powers of piratería—the Mexican art of forgery. Besides their desire to maximize profits, many companies hire illegals because they simply don't know they're doing so: fake green cards, driver's licenses and Social Security numbers can dupe even the most vigilant immigration official. Your wab could probably pilot a 757 with his documents. Beyond piratería, he has a couple of options, but none of them are hopeful. You can write letters to Congress asking them to pass an amnesty bill that will legalize the 12 million or so illegals (at least 7 million of them Mexican) that live among us. Have your wab seek sanctuary in a Catholic parish—that's how Chicago activist Elvira Arellano (no relation to The Mexican) has staved off la migra for nearly a year. Does your wab have any U.S.-born children? Then tell him to pray for a lawsuit filed in Miami federal court that argues the government deprives U.S.-nacidos children of their civil rights when their illegal mamis y papis get deported. Your wab can also achieve at least permanent residency by marrying a chica caliente citizen—but even then, they would have to file a chingo of paperwork. Ultimately, the best chance your wab has for citizenship is leaving the States and applying the right way. Yeah, I'm cracking up too.

Dear Mexican,

I catch the bus every morning in Taco Town. One of your people approached me the other day and, after explaining that he was "a little buzzed," welcomed me to the neighborhood and pointed to his dilapidated shack across from the bus stop. He was really nice, but are Mexicans usually drunk by eight in the morning? I thought you guys slept till noon.

—Blanco Frijol

Dear Gabacho Bean,

You got your stereotypes wrong. Taco Town isn't where Mexicans live but a funny Saturday Night Live skit that depicts my mother's traditional 4,000-calorie Mexican breakfast. Mexicans usually aren't drunk by eight in la mañana. If your friend was buzzing, he must've not slurped up the morning bowl of menudo that allows Mexicans to mitigate their natural pedo state. And the only Mexicans I know who sleep until noon are college students exhausted from studying and working to pay tuition while their gabacho peers puked away Daddy's allowance.

¡ASK A MEXICAN! CONTEST! The Mexican is looking for pictures of the most stereotypical Mexican restaurant logos in the country to include in his upcoming book. If you'd like to see your picture in the libro, e-mail me below. The five best pictures will be included, and the winners will receive a free autographed copy of the book along with a lawn mowing of up to 200 square feet.

Got a spicy question about Mexicans? Ask the Mexican at garellano@ocweekly.com. Those of you who do submit questions: they will be edited for clarity, cabrones. And include a hilarious pseudonym, por favor, or we'll make one up for you!

i have stopped reading the Observer completely over this article. There are others where the 'mexican' attacks hispanics who do not support amnesty.

Unlike D Magazine, the Dallas Observer will suffice as toilet paper in a pinch. This article looks like just the ticket should I be caught without a roll.

This guy got himself in trouble at work over this column, this was in todays paper, first I have heard of this.

The funny thing about race and humor
Differences - Sharing a column called "Ask a Mexican!" at work gets an Oregon employee a laugh but also a suspension

Friday, January 26, 2007
ANGIE CHUANG

The Oregonian

Had Robert Diefenbach of Newport not vacationed in New Mexico, he probably would never have seen the syndicated column "Ask a Mexican!"

The column is exactly what it sounds like: Readers submit questions -- some earnest, many racist or inane -- about everything from giant belt buckles to cars parked on front lawns, to the immigration debate and Latino-black relations. Gustavo Arellano, a Mexican American who writes the column for the alternative OC Weekly in Orange County, Calif., answers them with a mix of facts, sarcasm and attitude.

Diefenbach, 62, who is white, showed the satirical column to a Mexican American co-worker last fall at Samaritan Pacific Communities Hospital in Newport.

Next thing the cabinetmaker knew, he was being written up for racial and sexual harassment, then suspended for five days without pay.

While the dust-up illustrates the increasingly complex landscape of racial and gender issues in the workplace, it also shows how, when it comes to racial satire and stereotypes, distinguishing between offense and humor is very much in the eye of the beholder.

Henry Drummonds, a professor at Lewis & Clark Law School, said the case speaks to the tensions of competing American values. "It's free speech, free expression and the right to indulge at attempts in humor, versus the need to protect people from comments that are perceived as demeaning on the basis of sex, race and national origin."

Since the late 1980s, Drummonds said, sexual harassment policies, followed by similar rules on racial harassment, have become standard in the workplace. But because forms of verbal harassment that fall into the "hostile environment" category can be a matter of conflicting perceptions, he said, these cases are particularly complicated.

"In a sense, employers are between a rock and a hard place."

Politically incorrect

When Diefenbach read "Ask a Mexican!" in the Albuquerque Alibi, its irreverent, politically edged humor reminded him of his favorite comedians, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Race issues and history have always interested Diefenbach, a former New Yorker who has lived in Oregon since 1972.

"The cultural makeup of America is wonderful," Diefenbach said. "I'm not a college-educated person, so I read a lot to pursue my education."

In mid-November, he mentioned the column to the male co-worker. He knew the colleague was interested in history, so he shared some facts from the column highlighting the parallels between Mexican and Irish history and culture.

Because the co-worker seemed interested, Diefenbach said, he printed a copy and handed it to him.

"He was reading it front of me," he said. "He thought it was funny and informative."

It was a characteristic Arellano column, mixing history with loaded references to ethnic stereotypes. He wrote of the St. Patrick's Battalion, made up of Irish American soldiers who defected to the Mexican side of the 1846 Mexican-American War. He also pointed to similarities between Irish and Mexican immigrants, noting that both groups were destitute, maligned, and stereotyped as funny-English-speaking drunks with big families.

In the same column, a discussion on chickens in Mexican culture is followed by a quip that rural Mexicans "treat their hens like they treat their women: as purveyors of breasts, eggs and little else."

Diefenbach believes the male co-worker showed the column to a female colleague, which is where the sexual harassment aspect of the complaint came in. Diefenbach got written up for sexual harassment in April, he said, because of a joke to a female co-worker. When the woman asked why no one in the predominantly male department invited her to lunch, he said it was a "boys' club."

So he was worried when he was called into human resources the day after copying the column. He was told he violated company racial and sexual harassment rules, as well as those forbidding personal use of computers on company time. Diefenbach said he was never given a chance to explain himself.

Soon after, the 22-year employee was told he was suspended, effective immediately.

A Samaritan Pacific official said she could not discuss confidential employee matters but that the organization respects all employees' rights.

Now, months later, Diefenbach said the incident has blown over at work, but he can't help feeling leery and hurt. "I have to weigh everything twice before I say it now," he said. "I felt like my organization branded me as something I am not, a racist and a sexist -- a horrible person."

He hired an attorney, who ultimately told him his case probably would not get very far.

Columnist supportive

Arellano, speaking from Orange County, said this is the first time he's heard that someone has been accused of workplace harassment because of his column. Arellano spoke to Diefenbach on the phone after being contacted by his attorney.

"The fact that he was so shaken by this shows me he was just a nice guy," Arellano said.

"Ask a Mexican!" was hatched by Arellano and his editor in 2004 as a joke. They intended it to be a one-time gag and made up a question. They used a logo of a stereotypical sombrero-wearing, mustache-sporting Mexican man with a gold tooth that had inflamed readers when it ran on the cover of an earlier issue about anti-immigrant sentiment.

The column got such overwhelming response -- and inspired so many readers, Anglo and Latino alike, to send in real questions -- that Arellano decided to keep going. But it has always been controversial, he said.

He estimates that half of Latino readers find the column offensive, while the other half loves it. Likewise, he said, whites also are about 50-50. Among white readers, he said, "if they're anti-immigrant, they're going to hate it; if they're super-liberal, they're going to hate it."

"Ask a Mexican!" is now syndicated in 21 weeklies, including the Seattle Weekly, and has a readership of 1.3 million, Arellano said. But he's never approached the Portland market.

"I've always seen Portland as being way too earnest. I hate to use the term, but kind of uptight politically correct," Arellano said. "It's condescending that people like that feel they have to protect the group they see as being demeaned, when the very fact this column exists is a joke."

Arellano said he feels for Diefenbach and plans to send him an autographed copy of the column in question.

Diefenbach, who still reads "Ask a Mexican!" online, said he hopes to find a labor attorney who's willing to help him -- not to sue, but to clear his name.

"The only thing I would want to do is clear my record, and get some of those days back."