American-born wives married to U.S. deported
or banned spouses band together via online networks
BY Erica Pearson
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER

Sunday, July 3rd 2011, 4:00 AM


Giselle Stern Hernández, who blogs as The Deportee’s Wife, writes posts about what life is like living without her husband, who was deported in 2001.

One woman - who moved to Mexico's notorious border city rather than live apart from her immigrant husband - started blogging as "The Real Housewife of Ciudad Juarez."

Another, in her eighth year of exile, started a blog to speak out as "The Deportee's Wife" and discovered an entire online community of women like her.

"I'm very moved by people's bravery. Some people's posts are really raw and in the moment," said native New Yorker Giselle Stern Hernández, aka The Deportee's Wife.

The women are part of a growing number of American-born wives blogging about their spouses who have been deported or banned from reentering the U.S.

Bonding with each other online, the wives describe enduring months of separation or moving to their husband's home country to face learning a new language or figuring out where to send their kids to school.

"I was shocked to discover not only were there other people living this life, but there were thousands more asking the same questions as me. What do I do? How do I survive?" reads a recent post from "Monterrey, What the Hell?" blogger Cheryl Arredondo.

With a spirited sense of humor and blogging under names like "Welcome to Jali-Wood" and "Living on Refried Dreams," they not only comment on each other's posts but sometimes get together in real life.

"There's a shorthand now - there's certain things that you don't even need to say because they're just understood," said Stern Hernández, 41, who has been posting poetry and videos to her own blog.

Stern Hernández left Brooklyn for Chicago and was planning to start a life in 2001 with her new husband, a Mexican immigrant.

But when they showed up together to file for his residency- thinking everything would be fine because they were married - the feds flagged a past deportation, and her husband was taken away in handcuffs.

"The pain of not being able to do anything at that moment - and seeing your spouse handcuffed - it really shakes your faith of what you believe is right and what protections are afforded to you as a U.S. citizen," she said.

When "Housewife" Emily Cruz, 27, decided to move from Arizona to Ciudad Juarez last August because her husband is banned from the U.S. for unlawfully crossing the border, people told her she was crazy.

"I guess I get a little more understanding from the online world," she said. "It's just sort of that emotional outlet."

The couple moved because he can apply for a waiver to be in the U.S legally only after he spends 10 years outside the country. In the beginning, Cruz blogged about her fears - she saw her first dead body just 13 days after moving to a city known for its overwhelming drug violence.

But in a recent post, she describes the Zumba exercise class she's taking across the border in El Paso, where she works. And in an earlier missive, she describes having a date night out at Las Alitas, a Juarez chain wings restaurant. She says her new life feels normal now.

"So for everyone out there that is pissed off about the United States and whether they can or cannot live there, try to remember, life goes on," she posted. "You can still move forward. Marriage isn't about where you live, or what your job is, or about legal status. It's just about being together, wherever that may be, and loving each other for who you are."

epearson@nydailynews.com

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