It is your brother Jorge. I wanted to let you know of my adventures north of the border for the past few months and tell you that I should be able to bring you and the rest of the family here soon.

As you know I walked up to the MexiMart at San Ysidro a few months ago to get a canned ham. Apparently after I bought the ham I got lost and wound up north of the border crossing. Not knowing what to do I wrapped the canned ham in a pink blanket I found and walked into the gringo welfare office to get some directions. The nice Mexican lady at the welfare office asked me how old the ham was and I told her it was about one day old. She had me fill out some forms and they gave me WIC, to feed the canned ham, food stamps, cash and a nice apartment. I did not understand at the time but I guess up here they think that canned hams are babies when you wrap them in pink blankets. Those silly gringos.

Things were going good for a while, I found a girlfriend named Anna and then I made a friend named Pedro. All I had to do was show up at the welfare office once a month with the canned ham so I could keep getting my benefits. Then one weekend Anna and I wanted to go to Vegas and spend some of the welfare cash, so I asked Pedro if he would watch the ham while we were gone. When we got back we found Pedro asleep on the couch with cheese, crackers and the canned ham was gone. I asked Pedro what happened and he said he got hungry and one thing led to another. Well the canned ham was gone and so were my benefits.

Once again I did not know what to do. So Pedro and I got jobs at the HindiMart around the corner. We worked for a husband and wife named Hakhak and Cofcof. Things were good for a while but then one day we came to work and there were two other guys there. Hahak and Cofcof had hired their nephews Sneezi and Runni to replace us because they had just emigrated here from India. I didn’t think it was at all fair that people could just come from another country and take our jobs but I guess there was nothing I could do about it. It made me angry that the gringos would allow this to happen to me.

I was very sad after that but then I got an idea. I just went to the market and got two canned hams and took them to the welfare office. Now I am collecting welfare for twin hams and they even gave me one of those double strollers so I don’t have to carry them every where. I am going to keep buying canned hams until I have enough money to bring the whole family. You will love it here. You don’t even have to learn English, no one speaks it anyway and even all of the street signs and voting guides are in Spanish. Those silly gringos.

See you soon,
Jorge