Thread: Former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales work car wash

Embattled U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales announced today that he will be leaving the Justice Department and will accept a position at Tidy Boy Car Wash in Plano, Texas.

"I have been wanting to move back to Texas and this is the only place that will hire me", Gonzales said at a press conference this afternoon. "I was hoping to get a job as a lawyer or something but a job's a job".

"We have a lot of Mexican Americans working here", said Tidy Boy owner Miguel Herrera. "I'm hoping that Alberto will be able to work his way up to shift supervisor or even manager in a few years. He has an advantage over some of the guys that work for me because he speaks English. And he's here legally".

Herrera said he will not start Gonzales off as a manager because of his poor performance record on his previous job. "His manager said he did a pretty lousy job. If he ran the car wash the way he ran the Justice Department I'd be out of business in a few weeks. A management position has to be earned".

President George W Bush, Gonzales former supervisor, said he fully supports Gonzales new position. "It wasn't my idea to fire him", Bush said. "It was Dick Cheney's idea. I don't have ideas".

Gonzales will be responsible for cleaning the interiors and exteriors of vehicles. As he progresses in his position he will also be responsible for waxing and detailing.

"I'm so proud of him", said Gonzales wife Rebecca Turner Gonzales.

The story above is a satire http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm? ... 16247#this

Good post Jim!
A car wash company most likely wouldnt' hire him either!
Oh wait, is that one of those jobs we lazy xenophoebic Americans won't do?

A tragedy turned into triumph today as the lastest polls show that, John Edwards, the former Democratic Senator from North Carolina, has surged into a commanding lead over his closest rivals in the latest Democratic Presidential preference polls

In the latest nation-wide poll conducted by the Center for Politics at Beauregard Junior College in Thibodaux, Louisiana, 53.2% of respondents said that they would vote for John Edwards if the Democratic Primary was held today. Itinerate Senator Hillary Clinton (Democrat: Workers and Farmers Republic of New York) saw her support shrink to 26.4 % just ahead of Senator Barack Obama (Democratic: Socialist Republic of Illinois) with 20.3%. (The percent of voters supporting other candidates such as Senator Christopher Dodd, Senator Joseph Biden, and Reverand Al Sharpton could not be reported due to rounding.)

Dr. Travis P. Northcuff Jr., Director of the Beauregard Center of Politics, said: "It is not unusual for a candidate who experiences personal tragedy to generate a tremendous level of sympathy in the polls. A tragedy of the magnitude that has befallen the Edwards family could generate sufficient sympathy for him to win the Democratic nomination."

When asked how this would translate into support in the general election, Dr. Northcuff became very cautious. "We have conclusive evidence that Republicans voters are cold, callous, unfeeling people who laugh at the tragedies of others. It won't affect them one bit. The impact it will have on independent voters is not clear."

A spokesman for the Clinton campaign had this to say: "We have not ruled out any options. If Mr. Edward's lead persists, It is very likely that Bill "Former President William Jefferson Clinton" will require major surgery to remove a cancerous prostate."

Our reporter was unable to obtain a statement from the Obama Campaign, but she did overhear a high level member of the Obama-2008 Presidential Election Committee yelling to his staff: "Can anyone tell me why Ms. Obama needs two breasts?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely

Well, good for Gonzales. I guess he will be "doing the work Americans won't do."
If he gets to clean the interiors of cars, maybe he can come up with real creative ways to smuggle Mexicans under the dashboards and bucket seats!

Originally Posted by firecracker

Well, good for Gonzales. I guess he will be "doing the work Americans won't do."
If he gets to clean the interiors of cars, maybe he can come up with real creative ways to smuggle Mexicans under the dashboards and bucket seats!

Drivers should take all the loose change with them when they exit the car,
remember he is still a lawyer!

Is he able to do this job? For what I have seen so far... I have my doubts.