sometimes, the most honest things are said in jest. This may have been around a few times, but this is the first time I've seen it - it's great.

(Date)

The Honorable (your Senator)
309 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator (Name),

As a native of (your state) and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I contacted the Immigration and Naturalization Service to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My reasons for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill that was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, what I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years.

I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine.

Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for my family and me because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my (daughter/son) would receive preferential treatment relative to (her/his) college applications.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.


Your Loyal Constituent,