John W. Lillpop

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Herewith a simple set of ideas for saving America. This plan is reputed to be the work of a very famous Hollywood comedian but since that cannot be confirmed, he shall remain unnamed.

The Save America plan:

* U.S. will apologize to the world for interfering in affairs that were none of our business. That includes the likes of Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Hussein, and the rest of those "good old boys” whom we should have left alone.

* U.S. troops will be removed from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and the Philippines . They do not want us there.

* American troops to be reassigned to U.S. borders to protect America from invasion..

* Illegal aliens have 90 days to leave, with the U.S. paying their one-way fare out. After 90 days, those still here will be deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They are illegal, but France will welcome them.

* All future visitors to the U.S. will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you do not like your terrorist home, change it but do not hide here. Asylum will no longer be available to anyone. We do not need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

* No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they do not attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.

* The U.S. will make a strong effort to become energy self-sufficient. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The Caribou will have to cope for a while.

* U.S. will offer Saudi Arabia and other OPEC countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they do not like it, we will go somewhere else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production.

* If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement, or whatever they need. Most of U.S. aid is either stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

* UN Headquarters will be shipped to an isolated island. We do not need the spies and fair weather friends on U.S. soil. Besides, the building would make a terrific detention center for illegal aliens awaiting deportation to Mexico,

* All Americans to attend charm and beauty school, courtesy of the U.S. government. No more "Ugly Americans" among us!

* ENGLISH is the language —and the ONLY language—Americans speak. Learn ENGLISH or get out!

A final note: The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.”

Now she has a baseball bat and is yelling, “You want a piece of me?”


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