Thread: WHERE IS JOHN MCCAIN?

(quote)

The Signal

Has Anybody Here Seen My Old Pal John?

By John Boston
Mr. SCV

Dear Acme Homogenized Dairy Products Company:


This is my first time placing an ad on the side of a milk carton, so I could really use a hand. I'd like to file an all-points bulletin.

John Sidney McCain III is missing.

The last time I saw the guy, he was with Ted Kennedy and the Democrat's version of W.C. Fields was standing behind him, opening his mouth wide to see if John's head could fit inside.

You remember McCain.

He was that feisty senator from Arizona, a former darling to the Right for his alleged conservative values. Eight years ago, he battled The Dubyuh for the GOP presidential nomination and was the heir apparent for the Republican 2008 ticket.

Now, vamoose.

The puppy's gone.

Have any of you seen him? Hitchhiking across a lonely stretch of southwest desert somewhere?

Just the other day, the guy had a 60 percent approval rating and now, his all-holy poll numbers have plunged 20 points. I mean, the guy is neck-&-neck with Willard. You know. The Massachusetts guy who goes by his middle name of Mitt?

McCain is so far behind former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani and former Senator Fred Thompson that he's virtually disappeared and Fred Thompson isn't even a real person. He's an actor.

What happened to our Johnny?

Granted. McCain hasn't cultivated much support or admiration in the smarts department, especially on his strategy for the Iraq War, which is essentially repeating the phrase: "Uhhhh... What The Dubyuh just said."

Then, there's the I.F.

Insanity Factor.

I'm worried that McCain has gone daft and is wandering the streets, drooling and mumbling. Of course, much of the Washington leadership has been acting lately like they represent Cabo San Lucas instead of Bismarck or Sand Canyon. It's like McCain and many of our politicians have been bitten in the neck by the legendary flying Latino vampire goat the Chupacabra. I cannot explain the allegedly conservative McCain's stance on the immigration bill.

Not only that, if you're running for president, as a Republican, unless you're drafting legislation outlawing beer nuts, why would you share your name on a bill with Ted Kennedy?

Except for the CEOs of the Fortune 500 and our 400 million illegal aliens, most Americans are vehemently, passionately against those two boys' Immigration Reform Act. If passed, it will essentially turn the United States into Latin America approximately 20 minutes after the next presidential election.

Supporters of McCain like to use the word, "courage" in describing the political maverick's position on amnesty for tens of millions of illegal aliens. "Hari kari" might be a better term.

The primaries are right around the corner and by sanctioning a defacto invasion with his bill, McCain has pretty much dropped his britches and wiggled his wrinkled albino behind in the faces of conservatives.

One wonders what's next.

Perhaps John Sidney will team up with Nancy Pelosi to outlaw the NFL and make soccer America's mandatory national sport.

Let's forget the photo on the milk cartons.

Perhaps it's best if we just kill this idea of putting out an all-points on his presidential whereabouts and let him wander along the vast wastelands of the American southwest until this latest - and probably yet again meaningless - presidential election blows over.


John Boston has earned 117 major writing honors, including the 2006 Will Rogers Lifetime Humanitarian Achievement Award. Boston's column represents his own views, and not necessarily those of The Signal.


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I love this question.

Dixie

Maybe he's become a coyote, smuggling illegals since he likes them so much.

Originally Posted by razor

Maybe he's become a coyote, smuggling illegals since he likes them so much.

Maybe the coyotes kidnapped him and are holding him for ransom. I'm not paying.

I heard he's got political herpes. At least that's what I read here at ALIPAC.

Yes, that is one of William's favorite lines. I hear it often .

Psalm 91

He's out picking lettuce for $50 bucks an hour.