Thread: Wished For Presidential Speech

Unfortunately this is a joke.


WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?





My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.



Since Congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.



This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.



Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraqi conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.



The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.



Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.



The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.



Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.



In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.



Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.



I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.



I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.



A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.



Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.



Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.



We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska- which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.



It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."





Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.



To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.



God bless America. Thank you and good night.



If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.



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Ok, I am not going to pick apart that and say what I think is right on and what I think is stupid ( there is some of both ). I do not think that hardlinin the allies we had prior to Bush screwing up anything involving diplomacy. However, I don't think we should give one thin dime to any country as long as we have a national debt. Once that is taken care of and the American taxpayers of the middle and working class ALL have decent health care ( you know that nice "free" health care they hand out to the illegals ) and have taxes under 10% then we MIGHT want to think of helping the less fortunate. MAYBE. As for drilling for oil in Alaska, I think that is an unbelievably stupid thing to do. We are in a lot of trouble because of he oilmen who decided to run our country into the ground. There ARE renewable alternative fuels and we need to get going on them. Americans are already turning in their SUVs for hybrids and fuel economy cars.
As far as the illegals, fence the border and guard it as well as our ports, etc. And no amnesty as well as putting up huge fines, jail time AND take away the business licenses away from those who hire illegals.
NAFTA, CAFTA, GATT and all those other nasty abbrevations can be tossed back into the alphabet...
Just my little ole humble opinion...

Hey libbee...it's a JOKE....JOKE>>>JOKE

MJ