Thread: Government wasting time in fight against illegal immigration

This article will make you laugh.



While this U.S. Senate debate springs from imagination, TV viewers of congress may note here and there a kernel of truth.

Illegal immigration is an issue about which both political parties lack the will and courage to enforce existing laws. Instead they waste time trying please all and offend none, an impossible task.

Still, as they sneer and jeer at each other across the aisle, there are some interesting things to observe. One is the role of presiding officer, shared and rotated amongst all senators, with whoever occupying the chair being addressed as Mr. or Madame President.

“Mr. President!”



“For what purpose does the gentlewoman from Nowhere rise?”

“Mr. President, I rise to offer Bill S11 which will quickly solve our borders difficulties. My staff and I have concluded the major problem is that illegal immigrants lack a readily visible and positive warning they are entering our country illegally.

“S11 authorizes such a warning device by constructing two coast-to-coast, 100-foot-wide strips of cleared land, one at each borders, north and south. These strips, proudly painted with our national colors, red, white and blue, would absolutely alert those seeking a new life in our wonderful nation that they were about to break the law and I am confident this would cause them to turn back and seek entrance through legal channels..

The rest of the article.

http://www.ddtonline.com/articles/2007/ ... lumns9.txt

Here's the rest for those who don't like to click links:

“Mr. President, in addition, these nation-wide strips would provide thousands of jobs, a promise made by the previous administration, but never kept.”

(The gentlewoman pauses to sweetly sneer at the gentlewomen and gentlemen of the other political party.)

“And, Mr. President, these would not be temporary jobs, as maintenance and repainting would ensure employment for many years to come. And since those of us on this side of the aisle who forever have in mind the welfare of American taxpayers, I am proud to say that the initial cost of this marvelous border visual aid will be a mere six billion dollars, with an equally inexpensive annual upkeep budget of somewhere around eight or nine million dollars. I yield the floor.”

“Mr. President!”

“For what purpose does the gentleman from Somewhere rise?”

“Mr. President, I rise in vigorous opposition to S11. The gentlewoman from Nowhere and I have often worked on controversial issues in a bipartisan manner and I consider it an honor and privilege to be her colleague, but I cannot support the bill in its present form.

“Mr. President, the concept of two coast-to-coast, 100-foot-wide border strips is nothing new. In fact, if the gentlewoman will recall, when her party was in the majority, I offered a similar bill which they quickly dismissed as being too expensive. But now that the gentlewoman's party is in the majority, it would seem expense is no longer important.”

(He, too, briefly pauses to return a polite sneer to the now not so gentlewoman across the aisle trying to keep a smile on her face while silently hoping her distinguished colleague would just drop dead.}

“Mr. President, while no one questions the senator's patriotism, I must remind her that flag protocol forbids it ever touching the ground. But is she suggesting those colors, for which many brave Americans have fought and died, for some glorious purpose? No! She would have them dishonored and disgraced by using them to paint dirt! I urge the gentlewoman to withdraw her otherwise well crafted bill. I yield the floor.”

“Mr. President!”

“The gentlewoman from Nowhere is recognized.”

“Mr. President, out of the utmost respect for my distinguished colleague

and in the interest of bipartisanship, I ask the President that since the gentleman seems to object only to the proposed colors, is the gentleman prepared to offer an alternative plan?”

“Mr. President.”

“The gentleman from Somewhere is recognized.”

“Thank you, Mr. President and I thank the gentlelady for her most welcome display of bipartisanship by allowing me to offer a more practical and less expensive alternative to dishonoring our nation's colors.”

“Mr. President, almost every nation in the world recognizes the color red as a warning signal and that is the color I suggest. And by using but one color, initial cost of the project could be reduced by two thirds.

“And Mr. President, if the gentlewoman from Nowhere agrees, I will quickly withdraw my objection and request she do me the honor of being a cosponsor to her well crafted S11.”

In this imaginary tale, an equally imaginable bipartisan agreement was almost at hand, but was destroyed when a freshman senator was recognized and asked, “Mr. President, has anyone explained how the strips will be illuminated during hours of darkness and how much that will add to the cost of the project?”

Imaginary nonsense? Of course. But if you spend a little time watching members of congress debating in the House and the Senate, it might not be that far off track.

Ken Bonnell is a retired submariner and lives in Greenville.

This is too funny, great article.This sounds just like them, I can't tell you How many times out loud by myself, I'm saying good grief cut the crap and get on with it, I get so tired of them slapping each other on the back for doing nothing and making it sound like they have saved the country from the devil himself.