Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'd like to respond to Danny in New York City, whose illegal-immigrant girlfriend was pressuring him into marriage so that she could become a citizen. You asked him if he really loved her, a very important question. But the question you should have also asked is, does she love him, or is she just using him so she won't be deported? Any marriage based on threats to walk out - for whatever reason - doesn't sound good to me.S.L., New Orleans

Dear S.L.: In any true relationship that has a chance to flourish, both partners must be committed. In this situation, when the woman in question is an illegal immigrant, that's more reason to be clear about her intentions. Otherwise, Danny could be duped into helping his girlfriend secure "papers" to stay in America without enjoying the benefit of having a loving relationship.

For the person who is trying to figure out how to stay in America while the clock is ticking, desperate measures may seem necessary. Even so, it's best to be honest. If you are lucky enough to have made a real friend, ask your friend to partner with you on your journey to legal status. If you do that, the likelihood grows that you not only will gain legal status but also enjoy a healthy friendship that could potentially blossom into more.

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