Gringo Bodysuits Deceive ICE
By Ima Gringa
5 June 2006

BALTIMORE, MD -- Manny Gonzalez-Ruiz will no longer be mistaken for one of those "Undocumented" Workers.

"My employer bought me and my crew of Mexicans and Hondurans masks and suits. With white skin. Now, we look just like you gringos," he chuckled, speaking through his company's construction site translator.

85% of Gonzalez-Ruiz's compatriots, like himself, are migrant workers from Mexico and Central America, just doing the jobs that most Americans won't do. With a backlash of anti-immigrant sentiment floating around Maryland and much of the country, concerned employers are fighting back.

"We've got to run our operation and protect our company from outside interferences," noted Josh Mika, Superintendent of the work site. "This includes interference from vigilantee-immigrant groups, and customs enforcement. Usually, Immigration won't intefere with us, but, just in case they do, we'll never have to worry about them again."

The Body Suits, designed by Americanos Estupidos, a clothing and textile manufacturer one hour north of Mexico City, utilizes a combination of "peach colored" body paint, masks with blond or brown hair, Gringo scents, and "Beer-Belly Enhancements," culminating into a "Suit" that the migrant worker can "pull-on" and "zip up" in a mere 90 to 120 seconds. Retailing at $700 USD, they are expensive, but "Worth the money," explains Mika, "by retaining migrant workers for long stretches of time."

"You'll keep your work force longer, and at the end of the day, they become Mexican again," said the American superintendent. "They are better workers than your average lazy American. We want to keep them around as long as possible."

Americanos Estupidos is looking to expand their plants, to such cities as Houston and Phoenix. "The day is coming," snickered Luis Lopez-Garcia, Vice Presidente of Operations for the manufacturer, " When all of our workers in our Northern States (i.e. the USA) will be Gringos."

NOTE: I MADE THIS STORY UP. JUST WANTED TO MAKE EVERYONE LAUGH! -- THE OSTRICH