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Lampert Smith: Vang was in wrong line at DMV

SUSAN LAMPERT SMITH Wisconsin State Journal
August 30, 2006

You gotta feel bad for poor Mai Vang. The immigrant was in court Tuesday to plead guilty to offering a $400 bribe to get her driver's license at the Division of Motor Vehicles.

Her attorney said she was sorry - she thought this country was like her native Thailand where you must give a "gift" to government officials to get your paperwork.

Mai, Mai, Mai. This is exactly like your old country. You just made a common error: You got in the wrong line at the DMV.

Don't feel bad. This always happens to me, too. Last time I got in line behind a tattooed guy who was mad because he couldn't register a car that had been reported stolen.

You should have gone to the lines headed by Martha Cervantes at Hill Farms or by Vicente Rea at the East Side DMV.

According to court documents, the two were running a nice little racket in fake driver's licenses.

And, Mai, you tried to pay way too much. The Rea criminal complaint suggests that if you knew a guy named "Leon," he'd take you to the DMV, where he'd hand $150 to an agent known as "Alex."

Who knows what their real names are, anyway? The Rea criminal complaint makes for confusing reading because most of the people interviewed had different names than those shown on their licenses.

So, trying for a license in your real name was also a big mistake.

And what were you thinking, showing up for your court date?

Both Rea and Cervantes blew off their hearings this week.

Rea's attorney, Ed Krueger, had argued against higher bail, saying his client was sure to show up for court hearings. Rea skipped. And Krueger quit as his attorney, telling the judge he has no idea where his client had gone.

Federal prosecutor Laura Przybylinski Finn said in court Tuesday that the last time Cervantes was seen in Madison was Aug. 23, the day the federal grand jury returned an indictment against her. She sold her car that day for $8,000. The indictment says she made another $25,000 selling fake licenses.

Cervantes' attorney has also lost track of his client.

Here's a wild thought. Have they thought of looking in a sunny, warm place where $33,000 can buy a lot of margaritas?

I'd like to go there myself, but I don't have that kind of money.

I do, however, have a spare $150 to invest in a driver's license upgrade. I've never liked that picture, anyway, and the statistics on my license show me to be a middle-aged, middle-class middleweight.

I've decided to shave 20 years off my birth date and 40 pounds off my weight. An address in Maple Bluff, say on the Lake Mendota side of Farwell Drive, would be perfect. I think Fifi LeFake has a nice ring. I just can't decide whether to use a Scarlett Johansson photo or a picture of Kristin Chenoweth.

Wow, I'm feeling better about myself already!

So you see, Mai, this is a wonderful country.

You just have to know the right people.


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