Waste not, want not

Posted: June 22, 2009
1:00 am Eastern

© 2009

Editor's note: Michael Ackley's columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell which is which.

It's all so confusing.

First the City of San Francisco threatens to fine residents who fail to sort their garbage for recycling; now Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger wants to eliminate a site for recycling discarded politicians.

In other words, San Francisco wants to ding folks who fail to segregate their trash, while the governor wants to trash the Integrated Waste Management Board.

It would seem the goals are compatible, because getting rid of integrated waste would seem to militate toward segregated waste. But, no. Democrats in the state Legislature want to save the IWMB and to expand its authority.

We sought out majority caucus spokesman Howard Bashford, who explained, "You have to understand: The integrated waste board actually promotes segregated waste. It's the prime mover in California for recycling and waste reduction."

"Oh," we said, "but why does the state have to pay each of the five members of the board more than $132,000 a year?

"Goodness me!" exclaimed Bashford. "Those board members meet three or four times a month! They earn their keep."

We allowed that meeting three or four times a month to talk trash didn't sound like much effort for 132 grand, causing Bashford to sigh indulgently.

"Like many citizens, you don't understand how arduous their duties are," he said. "Besides meetings, they also spend hours and hours – days, really – pondering really difficult matters – like how to run for office again."

"But what about actual policy?" we asked, and Bashford responded, "Well, just this month they had to decide whether to grant a permit for a winery recycling facility. What a tough call! But the board members are up to it.

"In fact, a majority meet the primary qualification of being term-limited out of the Legislature or having lost a Democratic Party primary election. And all of them have handled a lot of legislative rubbish in their time."

"So they're just like aluminum cans and disposable diapers," we sneered.

"Yep," said Bashford, ignoring the jibe. "They don't seem to bio-degrade on their own, and we can't let them clog up the landfills. At least, on the board, they're out of the waste stream."

File under "don't hold your breath:" U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder is using the shootings of a Holocaust Memorial Museum guard, a soldier and an abortionist to argue for tougher "hate crime" legislation to put the clamps on invidious actions "masquerading as political activism."

Does this mean Holder wants to crack down on college organizations (like anti-Israel mobs) that routinely violate the civil rights of campus speakers through disruptive behavior and actual violence? Don't bet on it. Shouting down and intimidating pro-Israel speakers probably wouldn't meet Holder's idea of "masquerading as political activism."

Besides, the AG probably would argue there already are laws on the books that cover such things. Certainly that would be true, just as it is true that there are laws on the books now that cover hate-motivated criminal acts.

Front runner for 2009's No Guts Award has to be Sen. Claire McCaskill, D-Mo., for rolling back on her criticism of the firing of Inspector General Gerald Walpin. McCaskill had criticized President Obama for failing to abide by the law (OK, let's say "breaking the law") in Walpin's dismissal. Now she's saying the administration's nebulous charges against the IG are substantial enough for her.

Perhaps the senator chickened out after noticing that our affable president gets even with those who cross him, and there's no better example than Walpin.

This brings us, by natural progression, to the year's No Brains Award, and if anybody has a candidate more qualified than former Pres. Jimmy Carter, kindly submit your nomination ASAP.

The old peanut farmer apparently thinks the hundreds of missiles Hamas has fired from the Gaza Strip into Israel were nothing more than celebratory fireworks.

When Ronald Reagan found out he had Alzheimer's Disease, he stepped with dignity from the public view. Apparently Carter, at 85, is too far gone to get the message. All right. He was too far gone at 55, when he thought "American ingenuity" would magically bring energy independence, just like … Good heavens! Just like Barack Obama!

http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=101771