Run for your bloody lives!

Is Nancy Pelosi Just a Tad Too Liberal for America?

By John Lillpop Saturday, March 6, 2010

- Satire

With her hostile capture of the Speaker’s gavel in 2007, Nancy Pelosi shattered the gender barrier, glass ceiling, and incredulity index all in one fell swoop. Since then, Americans have fretted that she may be just a tad too liberal to be second in the succession line for the presidency.

After all, Comrade Nancy does hail from San Francisco—the only American city that tried to join the former USSR, but was rejected because Moscow found folks here too far to the left.

In order to calm the minds of those fearing the worse from Speaker-Queen Pelosi, several common myths and exaggerations concerning San Francisco liberalism must be debunked.

Namely, contrary to popular belief, it is NOT:

A felony to vote Republican in San Francisco, although it is a misdemeanor to register as a Democrat or Independent with the knowing intent of voting Republican at a future date;

Against the law to fly Old Glory without a special permit—except on Cinco de Mayo day when the Mexican flag is preeminent, and must not be mocked with vulgar displays of excessive Americanism;

A hate crime to speak English, except at fast-food restaurants, car washes, emergency rooms, and when speaking to Hispanics obviously here illegally;

A violation to wear the uniform of the Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marines, unless one does so with an arrogant, “America First,