Thread: Feedback sought on letter to editor

I'm sending the following letter to the editor of a local newspaper with a large reading base by the end of June 27. Since there is a 200 word limit (used to be 250 limit), what do you think can be edited and removed?

I will likely be adding a final paragraph of a sentence or two on an upcoming rally in my area this weekend, after approval from the main organizer of the event.

If anyone sees any glaring errors, I appreciate feedback too. If my letter is published, I will post it in these forums.

Here is a link to the original newspaper article:
http://www.alipac.us/modules.php?name=F ... ht=#167455



June 27, 2006



Dear Editor:

The AP reporter who wrote, “Mega homes are immigrants’ fruit,” seemed to be seeking sympathy for hard working migrants who flood the USA by the millions each year. This reporter failed to reveal some relevant facts on how and why so many illegal aliens are able to obtain the "American Dream" whether in the USA or their home countries.

The article revolves around Boye, Mexico, a small village of 900 people, where “as many as 80% of Boye’s schoolchildren drop out to sneak over the border.” The article also mentions, “Last year, Mexican migrants sent home a record $20 billion, making them Mexico’s biggest foreign earner after oil … “ The article further mentions two successful migrants who worked several years in furniture factories, waiting table and fast food in Hickory. Yet, somehow they managed to send as much as $500 a month to relatives in Mexico. Now, these individuals are leading luxurious lifestyles in Boye in large gated homes while their neighbors who didn’t migrate and mooch off Uncle Sam are mostly still living in poverty.

Some of America’s struggling poor and vanishing middle class who haven’t woken up yet to the illegal alien invasion crisis, may wonder how someone who works at such low paying jobs could possibly afford to save up to $500 per month. Well they can if they: Use hospital ERs as doctor offices, then skip on paying the bills; birth anchor babies; use Medicaid, subsidized housing, food stamps, WIC, and other welfare; obtain illegally FHA-backed mortgages; work under the table (many do) through unscrupulous employers thus avoiding taxes; live more than one or several families to single family dwellings; etc.

Foreign leaders such as Mexico’s Vicente Fox want to hoard the wealth and not tax themselves too much and expect to freeload off the USA by encouraging their citizens to illegally migrate. They keep the majority of their citizens in poverty with a very few wealthy at the top, then use the USA as their cash cow. Citizens of third world countries need to demand of their leaders a better way of life.

The combination of job losses, depressed wages/benefits for US citizens as well as illegal’s welfare abuse drains taxpayers, and it shows they are hurting - not helping - this country. Add to that the billions sent home in remittances every year not only to Mexico but several other foreign countries. Add to that the public education and in some states in-state college tuition for the children of illegal aliens. Add further the corporate insourcing, outsourcing and offshoring of jobs, and the picture for America’s future is bleak, indeed. If these continue, soon the USA will be a third world economy.

Sincerely,

Add further the corporate in sourcing, outsourcing and off shoring of jobs, and the picture for America’s future is bleak, indeed. If these continue, soon the USA will be a third world economy.

Great letter! This is what everyone needs to do is start pushing local papers to be responsible instead of just cutting and pasting AP and other media sources information into their local publication.

BTW local newspapers are under attack from new FCC laws which allow single corps to own both television and newspapers in the same area. We won't have a diverse set of voices (hopefully reporting honestly).

Dear Editor:

The AP reporter who wrote, “Mega homes are immigrants’ fruit,” seemed to be seeking sympathy for hard working migrants who flood the USA by the millions each year. This reporter failed to reveal some relevant facts on how and why so many illegal aliens are able to obtain the "American Dream" whether in the USA or their home countries.

The article revolves around Boye, Mexico, a small village of 900 people, where “as many as 80% of Boye’s schoolchildren drop out to sneak over the border.” The article also mentions, “Last year, Mexican migrants sent home a record $20 billion, making them Mexico’s biggest foreign earner after oil … “ The article further mentions two successful migrants who worked several years in furniture factories, waiting table and fast food in Hickory. Yet, somehow they managed to send as much as $500 a month to relatives in Mexico. Now, these individuals are leading luxurious lifestyles in Boye in large gated homes while their neighbors who didn’t migrate and mooch off Uncle Sam are mostly still living in poverty.

Some of America’s struggling poor and vanishing middle class who haven’t woken up yet to the illegal alien invasion crisis, may wonder how someone who works at such low paying jobs could possibly afford to save up to $500 per month. Well they can if they: Use hospital ERs as doctor offices, then skip on paying the bills; birth anchor babies; use Medicaid, subsidized housing, food stamps, WIC, and other welfare; obtain illegally FHA-backed mortgages; work under the table (many do) through unscrupulous employers thus avoiding taxes; live more than one or several families to single family dwellings; etc.

Foreign leaders such as Mexico’s Vicente Fox want to hoard the wealth and not tax themselves too much and expect to freeload off the USA by encouraging their citizens to illegally migrate. They keep the majority of their citizens in poverty with a very few wealthy at the top, then use the USA as their cash cow. Citizens of third world countries need to demand of their leaders a better way of life.

The combination of job losses, depressed wages/benefits for US citizens as well as illegal’s welfare abuse drains taxpayers, and it shows they are hurting - not helping - this country. Add to that the billions sent home in remittances every year not only to Mexico but several other foreign countries. Add to that the public education and in some states in-state college tuition for the children of illegal aliens. Add further the corporate insourcing, outsourcing and offshoring of jobs, and the picture for America’s future is bleak, indeed. If these continue, soon the USA will be a third world economy.



Current word count above is WAY OVER THE LIMIT, almost 450 words. Below is a rewrite.

Reporter who wrote, “Mega homes are immigrants’ fruit,” was seeking sympathy for illegal aliens flooding the USA by millions each year. Reporter failed to reveal relevant facts on how and why so many illegal aliens are able to obtain the "American Dream" whether in the USA or their home countries.

Story revolves around Boye, Mexico, a village of 900 people, where 80% of Boye’s schoolchildren drop out to sneak over the border.” The article also mentions:
1. Illegal sent 20 Billion in Remittances back to Mexico last year.
2. Two workers illegally worked in America for years while sending $500 a month back home, and are now living in gated homes back in their home country while neighbors who did not illegally come to America live in abject poverty.

America’s struggling poor and vanishing middle class cannot save $500 a month, so how do these illegal manage such a feat?
1. They use our Emergency Rooms as their primary care physicians then skip out on bills.
2. Use fake ID’s to secure public services for themselves and their children (illegal and anchor babies).
3. Work under the table to avoid paying taxes.
4. Live in illegal flop houses with 10,20 even 30 illegal aliens in a single family home.

Mexico’s Vicente Fox wants to hoard wealth, not tax too much and expect to freeload off the USA by encouraging citizens to illegally migrate to America, Mexico’s CASH COW.

Outsourcing of our jobs, coupled with illegal aliens (most From Mexico) stealing our jobs, over burdening our Social services structure, and deteriorating our neighborhoods with over crowding, and it is obvious that we in the lower and middle class are being severely hurt. It is also obvious, that illegal immigration is not good for America, our economy and our society. Our government needs to learn how to JUST SAY NO.


This version still needs rewritten again, as it is 308 words, but gets you in closer to where you need to be while maintaining the integrity of your base message.

Originally Posted by noillegalimmigrationannie

Dear Editor:

The AP reporter who wrote, “Mega homes are immigrants’ fruit,” seemed to be seeking sympathy for hard working migrants who flood the USA by the millions each year. This reporter failed to reveal some relevant facts on how and why so many illegal aliens are able to obtain the "American Dream" whether in the USA or their home countries.

IMHO it's almost always best to name names; you could trim the word count a bit by changing phrases like "each year" to simply yearly and "leading luxurious lives" to living luxuriously, at a measly 250 words you have to make each one count..

and I'd get rid of the second sentence altogether, force people to read more of the article to get your point
--

AP reporter Ioan Grillo who wrote, "Mega homes are immigrants' fruit," seemed to be seeking sympathy for hard working migrants who flood the USA by the millions yearly.

The article tries to revolve around Boye, Mexico, a small village of 900 people, where "as many as 80% of Boye's schoolchildren drop out to sneak over the border." It also states, "Last year, Mexican migrants sent home a record $20 billion, making them Mexico's biggest foreign earner after oil" We're told of two successful migrants who worked several years in furniture factories, waiting table and fast food in Hickory. Yet, somehow they managed to send as much as $500 a month to relatives in Mexico. Now, these individuals are living luxuriously in Boye in gated homes while their neighbors who didn't exploit our generosity are mostly still living in poverty.


I would probably change this sentence too:

Foreign leaders such as Mexico's Vicente Fox want to hoard the wealth and not tax themselves too much and expect to freeload off the USA by encouraging their citizens to illegally migrate.

Foreign leaders - much as our own - want to hoard the wealth, not tax themselves too much, and expect to freeload off of us.

Originally Posted by xanadu

BTW local newspapers are under attack from new FCC laws which allow single corps to own both television and newspapers in the same area. We won't have a diverse set of voices (hopefully reporting honestly).

There's really nothing requiring them to report honestly, if you read the latest ruling link below it explains the legal logic

http://www.foxbghsuit.com

Thank you Xanadu, PintoBean and BrotherJohn for your feedback. I will be using some of your suggestions.

I've had many letters published in several papers but it's been years now since the last one and I'm going to try to write more again and mainly on the topic of illegal aliens. I prefer smaller town papers because they aren't so picky about word length and usually allow much more than 200 words. This is always the hardest part on letters to editors - paring down to fit their word limit.

Staying to 200 words is going to be very difficult though, especially since I want to add a sentence or two at the end on an upcoming rally. I'm just waiting on an email for the go ahead.

I've found where the word counter is in Microsoft Word.

Thanks again for your feedback and suggestions.

Annie

Revised (minus the rally info at the end) and now 216 words. There's not much more I can cut but I may have to a few more words. I'm going to send it tonight or tomorrow morning and hope for the best. Again, if this letter is published, I'll post it here. I won't post anymore drafts though. Thanks again.

Dear Editor:

AP reporter Ioan Grillo wrote, “Mega homes are immigrants’ fruit,” seeking sympathy for illegal aliens flooding America by the millions yearly.

The article centers on Boye, Mexico, a community of 900, where 80% of schoolchildren drop out to sneak over the border. Also mentioned is illegals sent 20 billion in remittances back to Mexico last year. Two mentioned worked years illegally in NC, sent as much as $500 monthly back home, and now live in gated homes in Boye while neighbors who did not illegally migrate live in poverty.

If America’s struggling poor and vanishing middle class cannot save $500 monthly, how do illegals manage? By using ERs as their PCPs then skipping the bills; using fake ID’s to secure social services; birthing anchor babies who become citizens; working under the table; and living more than one family in single family dwellings.

Freeloader Vicente Fox encourages illegal migration so he and his rich cronies can hoard the wealth, not tax too much, and use America as their cash cow.

Combining American job losses, depressed wages/benefits, overcrowding, with illegal’s abuse of social services shows they are hurting - not helping - our economy. Add job insourcing, outsourcing, offshoring and the picture is bleak. If these continue, America is on its way to becoming a third world economy.

Sincerely,

Looks pretty good.

Originally Posted by PintoBean

Looks pretty good.

Thanks. Again, I see a small number of other words I can delete. One word though that I will only delete as a very last resort is the word "Freeloader" before Vinny's name. Ditto for the two word "cash cow" comment. Double here!

The article centers on Boye, Mexico, a community of 900,

This sentence could be written as "The article showcases Boye, Mexico, population 900." The word features could also be substituted for showcases if you prefer.