Here is a letter to the editor of a newspaper:

Modest expectations for trip to Mexico:

I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family. We plan to walk across the border from the United States into Mexico.

I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way we do here. I will be expecting the following:

-- Free medical care for my entire family.

-- English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

-- All government forms printed in English.

-- English-speaking teachers for my kids, as well as classes on American culture and history and free breakfast and lunch.

-- The American flag flying atop the school's flagpole, with the Mexican flag flying below it.

-- A Mexican driver's license so I can have easy access to government services.

I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws. I expect that all Mexican police officers will speak English.

I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my housetop, put flag decals on my car and have a gigantic celebration on July Fourth. I do not want to hear any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes; labor laws and tax laws shouldn't be enforced. I expect all Mexicans to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me or about the strain I might place on their economy.

I know these are modest expectations because we already do all these things for all the people who come to the United States from Mexico.