One czar to rule them all

Posted on October 29, 2014October 29, 2014 by Ben Crystal
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Until the next medical professional goes for a post-Liberian visit bowl and beer, it’s likely that the hubbub over Ebola and President Barack Obama’s almost laughably confused handling thereof is in the rearview mirror. If you’re not already Ebola-positive, you probably won’t contract it — unless you do … maybe. Actually, if there’s one group of people who clearly has no idea whether you should worry about Ebola, that group would be Obama and his retinue. Among them is Ron Klain, assigned to the newly created post of Ebola response coordinator (aka Ebola czar). For all the qualifications Klain brings to the job of ostensibly leading the Obama regime’s counteroffensive against Ebola, he might as well be a used bedpan. It’s almost as if Obama simply tabbed the first person he saw after the people running his perpetual campaign told him he needed an Ebola czar.
Obama: “You, there!”
Klain: “Yes, Mr. President?”
Obama: “Do you have any sort of medical or crisis management training?”
Klain: “No, Mr. President.”
Obama: “Whatever. You’re my new Ebola czar. Valerie Jarrett here will see you’re fitted out with — um — whatever stuff an Ebola czar needs.”
Klain: “Yes, Mr. President.”
Clearly, the Democrats didn’t think appointing an Ebola czar was a worthwhile endeavor, which explains the abysmal choice Obama made. The appointment of a stuffed suit like Klain isn’t a throwaway paean to the “bitter clingers.” It’s a bird-flip to everyone who pointed out that Obama has literally failed to substantatively address any challenge without finding a way to fail, albeit dressed up as level-headed leadership. In naming Klain as opposed to any one of the millions of candidates who match Klain’s qualifications by being alive and by not currently serving time in prison, Obama is throwing a blanket of craven political opportunism over a real problem. How little must the Democrats think of us if they’d go through the motions of addressing a possible crisis without actually addressing the possible crisis.
Klain is a political flack. He’s a taller Karl Rove, a less creepy David Axelrod, a James Carville with hair and a normal-sized head. And while he certainly answers the question “Do lifetime political hacks make good medical emergency managers?” with a resounding “No,” he also answers the question “Does the United States need an Ebola czar?” in a similarly negative manner.
Speaking only on my own behalf, I have yet to discern an actual need for an Ebola czar. Given that Obama’s response to Ebola — much like Obama’s responses to every other crisis with which he’s contended — involved waiting until just after the simplest solution has expired, it’s hard to imagine that Klain will serve any purpose other than closing the proverbial barn door after the cow has died of hemorrhagic fever. His business cards might as well read “Director of the Office of Hindsight.”
Given that the history of American political “czardom” is pretty much a tale tragicomic futility — we’ve had a drug czar for nearly 30 years; anyone having trouble finding drugs? — it’s hard to imagine that Klain is worth whatever salary we’re going to pay him.
Besides, we technically already have an Ebola czar. The position of assistant secretary for preparedness and response has been filled since July 2009 by Nicole Lurie, M.D., although she has become more elusive than an Ebola-positive airline passenger at the Kennedy International Airport baggage claim.
Lest you dismiss this as some partisan rant, the Republicans deserve just as much scorn as Obama for every professional paper shuffler, partisan wire-puller and political hornswoggler who ever drew a federal paycheck for an ill-defined gig named for a defunct Eurasian autocrat. In the days after Obama’s nonexistent border security introduced Ebola to American soil, Republicans lined up to stick their snouts in the crisis trough. Outgoing Rep. Jack Kingston (R-Ga.) kicked up quite a fuss, penning a suitably outraged opinion: “We need an Ebola czar.” The president of the United States did everything but personally stamp the passport and call a taxi for a deadly hemorrhagic fever from West Africa, and the loyal opposition wants to beat it back with more politicians.
Perhaps, as we prepare to cast our ballots in one of the more important midterm elections in recent memory, both parties’ response to a scary disease that so far has inspired more heart palpitations than actual fatalities ought to provide us with one of those “teachable moments” Obama often yammers on about instead of doing something constructive. When the Democrats’ unprecedented failures of leadership, foresight and basic preparedness led to a life-threatening disease gaining a foothold on American soil, the Republicans didn’t call 911; they called the lawyers. We have had a drug czar, a faith-based czar, an AIDS czar and even a green energy czar. Despite all those czars, we still have drugs, faith, AIDS and “green” energy. And now, some of us have Ebola. Maybe the czars are the problem. They’re certainly not the solution to anything.
–Ben Crystal


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