Thread: Need HELP dont know where to look

Hello, i married a man from France almost one year ago June 2005. I love very much, he has been acting very different for the past few months very quite and on edge. Complaining about the USA work conditions he has an education in French Law (dont know what degree it would be here) i got him a job in the education system where i work but he wanted to work in law it will take his citizenship to do what he wants (3 to 6 years). I have only heard complaints about our country what he has left and how stressed he is. He left me three days ago ; just left. Ok now his father has been calling me saying he has not made decions on our marriage just needs time to adjust to our culture and new life and hopes i would be here to help his son because he was so far away and couldnt i replyed to him that I love his son and would be here for him if he wanted professional help with our marriage or just to talk about culture shock and that whatever he needed me from i would be here and always have been, but i told him his son had told me his decision was made and that he thought is was best he goes home to France. I was confused about the difference in his and his fathers story so i went to see him at the hotel( he hadent even called me only his father) he was staying in becuase i was afraid he was feeling guilty for leaving me and was just afraid to tell his father that he wanted to come home and he informs me (after i offered to talk to his dad and support him if he really thinks he couldnt make it here mabe we could make it there) out of the blue that even if he seprates from me he would still be staying in the USA! I thought he was leaving because of how injust the united states is! i asked him if he had used me to come here and of course he said no and that he wasent mexican and had a good life there. My next question to him was if you came here left everything good for me and our love for each other then how could you leave me without working on our marriage and decide to stay in a place i was conveniced you hated? I am in total shock and feel totally used. Another thing is just today our letter from immigration for his permenant residency today and i am now wondering because he told me last night in this conversation that he was going to immgration monday and as them if he can stay???? Someone help is he going to say i just left him I am sure he knew the letter would be coming all you have to do is check online status i just have a feeling he is going to tell these people i left him or something i dont know what he is up to and have read today so many horror stories about things like this happening. I really thought we were in love. What is this man up to? Someone please reply with any advice or info. Thanks in advance

Welcome Valerie. Are you a citizen? If so your marriage should make him a citizen as well. I don't understand what the problem is.

Yes i am a citezen . My problem is that i feel he used me to get here and i am now totally in shock and feel used and very hurt. I dont know what to do. It will take 3 to 6 years for him to become a citzen he hasent even go permenant resedency yet the letter arrived today(i think he knew it was coming) I am lost and dont know what to do. He dosent have the right to be here if he used me to have a life in the states.

Too late. You should have thought about that BEFORE you married him. You're right--he used you just like thousands of other people who have used American citizens for the sole purpose of gaining citizenship.

Hi Valerie.

I had trouble understanding your posts. But if you're asking for some kind of legal advise, you'd be better off consulting a lawyer.

I dont think its to late i just really wanted to know if anyone had any info or seen a case like this before and what they did about situation.

You should tell your story to immigration. Tell them he used to you to come here and wants to stay here illegaly.

You should not jump to a final conclusion. You should contact immigration and tell them your side of the story. Tell it to them without trying to impute what is in his mind. Whether or not you left him is basic and if he tells them that it is a lie. However it is difficult to tell what is going through his mind or his motivation.

Valerie, it is more than obvious to me that you are being set up. the purpose of the father's call was to have fuel to write a statement that "She won't let him come home" so that your husband can try to continue his farce and stay in the country.

I know its hard to believe that someone could pretend love to get that American Citizenship - but I have seen hundreds of cases of it here in the Latin Community. American women, and that includes Latinas, are fair game around here ...at least they WERE until these deadbeats found out that papers don't come automatically with marriage.

There are still false marriages but there are fewer now - because there are more hoops to jump through and the couple has to be together for 5 years now - not only 1. There are many interviews, proof needed of "family photos", and etc. I'm not sure how your husband got his papers in one year - it can't be done here - at least not for Mexicans. There has been too much abuse.

Now these American girlfriends are often only used for a place to stay - laundry done - meals cooked - babies made, etc. After the men get everything they want - they are in the wind - leaving the women bewildered and unbelieving of the hoax that was perpetrated on them. Trouble is the women are so gullible in the first place. I know women who pay ALL the bills to maintain their Latin Lovers - women left with children to support by themselves as these so-called "family men" go home to their families in MEXICO and forget about their American children. I can't even begin with the horror stories - but why do the women PUT UP with it???

I often get on my soapbox to encourage American women to hold to higher and more old-fashioned standards of sexual relationships - and especially when dealing with foreign men. Not that this applies to you, dear, as you were married. But just know that there are people who hold NOTHING sacred except their own gain.

Follow your gut instinct on this, Valerie. The faster you face up to the facts, the faster you will get over it - and the better chance you'll have to make sure he doesn't get anything from you. Put your love with G-d who will never disappoint you. Hold your head up high - you are not the one who broke the marriage vows.

Feel free to PM me if you need ongoing support through this devastating situation.

BTW Before all you guys give me hay over this, I know this little game gets played by foreign women on American men, too, X10. I'm just addressing the Ladies' side of it here.

thank you so much for your kind words Dcsa. i am totally lost and hurt i dont know how i will make it through the next days of my life. I truly loved this man and it now feels like i have woke from a dream and started a nightmare.