Thread: Jokes for Koobster

Love the jokes guys, I am printing them out.
Update, my doctor had a emergency, so I have to reschuled a another appointment. I do fill tired a little. I guess we have to wait.

I go in March 6 to get a couseltation from a surgeon, to find out where I go from here.

Originally Posted by koobster

I go in March 6 to get a couseltation from a surgeon, to find out where I go from here.

Well you know you have a lot of people in your corner and praying for you Koobster.

Even if some of us don't always get around to telling you that like we probably should

Thanks a lot. It has been helping, me not to be so nervous about this

Thanks to all of you.

A burglar broke into a house and shined his flashlight around looking for
valuables.

He picked up a CD player when a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the
dark saying: 'Jesus is watching you.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked off his flashlight and froze.

When he heard nothing more, he continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out
he heard: 'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically. Finally, in the
corner of the room, his light beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep,' the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you
that he's watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who the hell are you?'

Moses,' replied the bird.

Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of
people would name a bird Moses?'

"The kind that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money."

The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You cannot do this, I'm a United States congressman!"

The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!"

Oh man I love it.

Tuesday find out if I have surgery or not. Hopefully it will be fixed.

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their famous sketch,
'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:



COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about
buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office..

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some
straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can
track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on 'START'............

REPLACEMENT WINDOWS

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive

double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the

contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been

completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo,...........just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am

automatically stupid.

So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year,

that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Helllooooo? It's been a year, I told him!

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung

up.

He never called back.

I bet he felt like an idiot.

I am going to print these out before I go to the hospital.