Thread: Jokes for Koobster

All right! Who was in charge of the Koobster Joke of the Day today?

"Mexican President Vicente Fox arrived in the U.S. today. So, it's official. He's the last one. Turn out the lights. They are all here now." --Jay Leno

"The Senate has passed a resolution to make English the official language of the United States. Today President Bush said this is the 'goodest news' he's heard in a long time." --Jay Leno

Settling a cow case
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.

The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."

Oh man I love it, you guys are really keeping me laughting, I havent laughted like that in awhile.

I'm Retired With A Job!


I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?'

Well...I'm fortunate enough to have a few friends who have chemical engineering backgrounds, and one of the things we enjoy most is turning beer, wine, bourbon and martinis into urine.

Originally Posted by PatrioticMe

I'm Retired With A Job!


I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?'

Well...I'm fortunate enough to have a few friends who have chemical engineering backgrounds, and one of the things we enjoy most is turning beer, wine, bourbon and martinis into urine.

HAVING A BAD DAY?




Koobster, I couldn't figure out how to paste it here, so I'm going to type this...it was too funny to leave out:

FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES

WORKER DEAD AT DESK FOR FIVE DAYS

Bosses of a publishing firm are trying to work out why no one noticed that one of their employees had been sitting dead at his desk for five days before anyone asked if he was feeling okay. George Turklebaum, 51, who had been employed as a proof-reader at a New York firm for 30 years, had a heart attack in an open-plan office he shared with 23 other workers.

He quietly passed away Monday, but nobody noticed until Saturday morning when an office cleaner asked why he was working during the weekend.

His boss, Elliot Waschiaski, said: "George was always the first guy in each morning and the last to leave at night, so no one found it unusual that he was in the same position all that time and didn't say anything. He was always absorbed in his work and kept much to himself."

A post mortem examination revealed that he had been dead for five days after suffering a coronary. Geogre was proofreading manuscripts of medical textbooks when he died.

You may want to give your co-workers a nudge occasionally. The moral of the story: Don't work too hard. Nobody notices anyway.



Having a bad day? ... Check these out ... you should feel better!



Things Got Ya Down? Well Then, Consider These . . .

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am , regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the super natural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 am Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00 , Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper , entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.


Still Having a Bad Day????

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day????

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Are Ya OK Now? - No?

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?!? STILL having a Bad Day????

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. God is Good!

There now, Feeling Better ?

The Polite way to Pee

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners,
Asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
How would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll
Be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at
The dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your
Good manners?'

'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to
Shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce
You to after dinner.'

The teacher fainted...

Originally Posted by PatrioticMe

The Polite way to Pee

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners,
Asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
How would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll
Be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at
The dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your
Good manners?'

'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to
Shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce
You to after dinner.'

The teacher fainted...

That was awful

Originally Posted by cayla99

Originally Posted by PatrioticMe

The Polite way to Pee

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners,
Asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
How would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll
Be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at
The dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your
Good manners?'

'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to
Shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce
You to after dinner.'

The teacher fainted...

That was awful

Soorrreeeee