Thread: Jokes for Koobster

Originally Posted by cayla99

Sorry boys, I couldn't resist



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Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, 'I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check.

Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you.



But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!



'I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!'

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.

Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, 'Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!'

To which the parrot replied,'Get him Spike!'

See - Men just don't listen!

Too cute!

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him

at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,

'Please wake me at 5:00 AM ' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,

when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

A husband escorts his very pregnant wife to the hospital for her last check up before the baby is born. The wife expressed her concerns about the pain during childbirth. The husband shrugs it off saying it can't be that bad. The doctor says "It just so happens that we have this new machine that we can hook up to the wife and the father, and the father will feel all of the pain while the wife feels nothing." The husband agrees to this new technology.

The day comes and the husband rushes his wife to the hospital. The doctor hooks up the machine to the husband and wife. Finally after 6 hours of labor, the wife gives birth to a baby boy. The doctor asks the husband about the pain. The husband says he didn't feel anything, to which the doctor asks the new mother, but she didn't feel anything either.
The couple go home to discover the mailman dead on the front lawn.

hey I am still a girl.

Originally Posted by jshhmr

A husband escorts his very pregnant wife to the hospital for her last check up before the baby is born. The wife expressed her concerns about the pain during childbirth. The husband shrugs it off saying it can't be that bad. The doctor says "It just so happens that we have this new machine that we can hook up to the wife and the father, and the father will feel all of the pain while the wife feels nothing." The husband agrees to this new technology.

The day comes and the husband rushes his wife to the hospital. The doctor hooks up the machine to the husband and wife. Finally after 6 hours of labor, the wife gives birth to a baby boy. The doctor asks the husband about the pain. The husband says he didn't feel anything, to which the doctor asks the new mother, but she didn't feel anything either.
The couple go home to discover the mailman dead on the front lawn.

That made me LOL!!

Originally Posted by koobster

hey I am still a girl.

I bet your husband's doing a "happy dance" over that, huh? lol

Originally Posted by florgal

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him

at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,

'Please wake me at 5:00 AM ' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,

when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

That's funny! I hope this is doing Koobter's spirits some good. I sure is helping mine! lol

Originally Posted by PatrioticMe

Originally Posted by koobster

hey I am still a girl.

I bet your husband's doing a "happy dance" over that, huh? lol

Yep he sure is he even read the jokes here, and he was laughting so hard he was crying.

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

************************************************** ************************************************** *

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt." So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me." And she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too."

And then the fight started.....

************************************************** ************************************************** *****

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And then the fight started ..

************************************************** ************************************************** *****

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started.....

Originally Posted by koobster

Originally Posted by PatrioticMe

Originally Posted by koobster

hey I am still a girl.

I bet your husband's doing a "happy dance" over that, huh? lol

Yep he sure is he even read the jokes here, and he was laughting so hard he was crying.

Well good! We can't stop what you have to go through but, hopefully, we can make it a little easier on both of you with some laughter.